


An Eventually Successful Quest

by GoingCaked



Category: Rooster Teeth/Achievement Hunter RPF
Genre: Alternate Universe - Fantasy, Alternate Universe - Medieval, Asexual Character, Centaur Ryan, Dragons, Fairy Gavin, Friendship, Gen, Incubus Michael, M/M, Mythical Beings & Creatures, Trans Male Character, Wizard Geoff
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-06-12
Updated: 2015-06-12
Packaged: 2018-04-04 01:21:15
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 7
Words: 22,216
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4121131
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/GoingCaked/pseuds/GoingCaked
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Ray and Ryan are sent on a four day journey to fetch a knight. Along the way they meet up with some new friends who help them sort of complete their intended quest.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This work contains a joke about intact hymen equalling virginity, poor campfire safety, mentions of hunting, mentions of people and horses dying, fire, mention of famine, mention of spiders, the consent issues that come along with incubus/succubus, unasked use of ‘it’ as a pronoun (because of species, not gender), mentions of fantastical racism, cissexist explanations of gender, one use of the word ‘bitch’, brief threat of drowning, a joke about misgendering someone, main characters in mortal peril, small spaces, heights.

Ray had never before in his life been so glad that he didn't have balls. This was his first time on a horse (well, centaur) and _holy fucking shit._

He'd never understood before how horseback riding could tear a hymen but now he didn't understand how anyone that had even _looked_ at a horse still had one.

When he'd climbed onto Ryan's back that morning they had started out travelling on the uneven boardwalks and marshy trails that made up the path out of the village and Ryan had had to go slow, and Ray thought he would be okay. But now they were on properly solid ground and he was going _fast,_ and _everything was bad_.

Ryan must have been able to tell that Ray was having trouble and he half turned his head to look at him, "You doing okay?" he shouted over the wind and the noise of his hoof beats.

Ray just groaned and clutched the saddle's horn tighter. He'd fallen off when Ryan had first broken out into a run and he wasn't looking to repeat the experience. He was pretty sure his entire side was already one big bruise and he still had at least three more days of this shit before they reached the capital city, Rooster Teeth.

Around early evening Ryan stopped when they found a well and Ray felt like his muscles were on fire where they hadn't gone numb. It looked like the area had once been an outpost or a farm or something that had since been abandoned, if the low stone walls and occasional house foundation was any indication. There were a bunch of places like that around. There was so much unclaimed land in the area that if one place wasn't working out people would just leave it to found another. Plus, this was pretty much as far south as you could get without the winters being deadly, so long expeditions would often set up a camp here over the winter.

Once Ryan came to a stop at the top of the hill it was time to dismount. Ray tried to swing his leg up over the saddle, but his muscles were too weak and uncoordinated and he ended up slipping sideways.

"Whoa," Ryan said and turned his upper body to try and stop Ray's fall. Between Ryan, and Ray's hold on the saddle, he managed to not re-injure himself when he landed slowly in a heap on the grass.

He lay there for a second, feeling weird about the ground not moving after so long bouncing up and down. He felt Ryan moving around and heard the clanking of a bucket. Eventually Ray pulled together enough strength to open his eyes and push himself up to watch Ryan pull up a bucket of water.

"How are you not exhausted?" Ray huffed, " _You're_ the one whose been running."

Ryan laughed, not even sounded _winded,_ the fucker, "I'm used to it. And how is it anyways that a farrier has never ridden before?"

Ray shrugged, dragging himself to his feet, wincing as his entire body protested and his ass started to wake up enough for Ray to start _really_ feeling it, "I just look after feet. No part of the job description includes ever getting in a saddle."

Ryan shook his head with a fondness that he usually showed for Ray and turned back to the bucket of water, "Do you think we should boil it? I'm pretty sure it won't hurt me, but I don't know what you're system's used to."

Ray limped over and took the bucket, stumbling a little at the unexpected weight. Ray peered inside, then lent down a little to sniff the water, "Should be fine," he concluded, "I'm used to the marshes after all."

Ryan hummed and took the bucket back, hefting it like it didn't weight anything at all and took a long drink. Ray watched half interested as the water ran out of Ryan's mouth and down his chest, before Ray finally pushed himself to start moving again. Ray untied the mug he'd attached to the saddle bags and went to stand next to the well. Ryan finished drinking, bucket basically empty, and handed it to Ray so he could get water for himself.

Ryan wandered off somewhere while Ray pulled up another bucket of water and dipped his mug inside before taking huge gulps. The water had a bit of a weird taste, but nothing worse than what he was used to during the spring run-off, so he'd probably be fine.

To be totally honest he was kind of hoping he would catch something so that he could spend a couple hours being sick instead of in the fucking saddle.

Once Ray was finished drinking he looked around for Ryan and spotted him at the bottom of the hill poking around at the low stone walls. "I'm going to take a piss!" Ray yelled down and Ryan raised his hand in acknowledgement.

Ray trudged over to the scattering of trees and pulled down his pants and squatted. He didn't really _care_ if Ryan saw him take a leak or not, especially since he'd had most of the fucking centaur herd piss in front of him before, but he might as well keep up the pretence of manners.

Ray looked down and saw a bit of blood in his underwear, presumably what was left of his hymen, and snorted, "Ryan, you asshole!" he yelled, "You took my virginity and not even a ring!"

Ray heard the faint sounds of Ryan laughing. He put himself back together when he was done and walked over to where Ryan was.

"See anything interesting?" Ray asked, not actually interested. Ryan shrugged in response.

Ryan's main reason for volunteering for this little 'quest' was that he'd wanted to see the lands to the north. Fucking nerd was into that kind of thing.

Ray hadn't seen much in this direction either (or most directions, for that matter, he liked his house, thanks), but no amount of novelty could make a dilapidated wall interesting.

Ryan peered up to gauge the position of the sun, "If you want we could camp here tonight?"

God did Ray want to, but they hadn't covered that much ground and he opened his mouth to give an obligatory protest, but Ryan cut him off, "You clearly can't take much more today, and unless you want to sleep in the middle of the plains we can't go much farther anyways."

Sleeping in the middle of the plains definitely wasn't something Ray wanted to do. Giants wandered the area, and although they wouldn't purposefully hurt someone they also wouldn't be able to _see_ someone in the middle of the night.

Ray nodded, grateful that his prayers of having a viable excuse to stop riding had been answered.

"We can set up camp right here," Ryan suggested, gesturing to the canopy of trees and the half made fire-pit. Ray wasn't exactly a 'camping type', so he took Ryan's suggestion and started pulling off Ryan's saddle bags to get their stuff out.

They hadn't packed much. The weather was thankfully pretty warm this time of year and Ray could just suck it up and sleep on the ground under a blanket, so they hadn't even bothered with a tent to save space. That and when someone had brought one over to lend to Ray, Ray hadn't been able to figure out how to set it up by himself, no matter how much instruction he was given.

Ryan couldn't reach the ground as easily as Ray, even with Ray's sore muscles, so Ray was tasked with fetching firewood and setting up the fire. He'd thought all the bending and shit would leave his muscles _dying_ but found that the movement actually helped loosen him. He was kind of bitter about that because he didn't like the thought of movement having _any_ beneficial effects.

Setting up a fire was one of the few outdoorsy things that Ray was good at, thanks to a childhood of helping his dad make fire-pits for cooking, and it wasn't long before he had a pretty good campfire going.

While Ray was working Ryan had wandered off again, poking around the low walls and occasionally bending down to pick up a discarded pot or to grab up some grass to munch.

Ray watched him for a few moments before turning and flipping open the saddle bags to pull out some food. His stomach felt pretty terrible from all the jostling but he knew he'd feel even worse if he didn't get anything to eat. He grabbed out some bread and cheese and started slowly munching on it.

He was bored. Usually whenever he wasn't working or doing shit around his house he'd be out in his yard with his bow or throwing knives or assorted other ranged weapons. But they hadn't had room to bring any of that stuff considering that the best any of it could do was take down a rabbit, _maybe_ a deer if you got lucky, so it would hardly be helpful during their journey.

Ray sighed and watched the fire. Even though he'd only left that morning he already couldn't wait until they got to Rooster Teeth, gathered up a brave knight to slay their dragon, and Ray could return to his life.

Normally they didn't get dragons, considering they were pretty far from the mountains. The worst they ever usually had to deal with was the occasional swamp monster, so when this massive _thing_ had suddenly appeared, blotting out the sun and uprooting bushes with the force of the beats of its wings, they had been pretty unprepared.

A couple of younger guys who considered themselves 'tough' had gone to try and slay it. Most of them had survived.

After that the ladies that made up the knitting group had set up a kind of net trap intending to try and drag the fuckhead underwater and drown it.

That had _almost_ worked but at the last moment the thing got a lucky shot with its tail and broke free.

They hadn't seen the dragon for a few days after that, and there had been a tentative hope in the air that they'd scared it off, but then it had come back, torching one of their main rice fields as it did.

They usually did pretty good on food but with the amount of crops the dragon had burned and livestock it had eaten they were starting to get worried.

Not to mention that the fucking thing had a habit of stealing everything that wasn't nailed down.

So before they were driven to famine, or it started actively killing people, the village council had decided someone needed to go to the high courts in Rooster Teeth to get a knight to slay their dragon.

But unfortunately after the failed dragon slaying, and with so many fields needing re-planting, they couldn't spare any of the few horses they had that could make the journey, and they didn't want to risk taking the extra time it would take for someone to walk, so they turned to the centaur herd that lived by the village.

Centaurs _really_ didn't like being ridden by humans, but the King wouldn't listen to a centaur so a centaur couldn't go alone. Ray had the feeling that no matter how shit things had been for Twitchings the centaurs still wouldn't have offered help if it hadn't been for the fact that they shared a lot of the farmland, so the centaurs _also_ needed the dragon gone. So the centaurs had agreed, albeit reluctantly, to allow one of Twitchings human-centaur ambassadors to ride on one of them to Rooster Teeth.

Unfortunately for _Ray_ the only other ambassador in the village happened to be a ten year old girl that was slowly being trained as a mid-wife, so Ray had had no choice in the matter. Shortly after everything had been decided his bags had been packed for him, the mayor had shoved a note to the King in his hand, and he'd been off.

At this point he kind of wished he'd made the ten year old girl go. At least she was used to horseback riding.

By the time he was finished eating the sun was starting to set a little and the bugs were starting to come out, but not nearly as bad as they got in the marshlands. When he was being prepped for the trip there had been mention that there were fucking _huge_ spiders a little way to the north, but hopefully it was still a little too cool for them. He was half sure his mom had been joking about that anyways.

Ray was sore and tired and now that he wasn't moving his eyes were starting to drupe. Despite it still being pretty early he started moving to get out his blanket and fluffed one of the packs to use as a pillow intending to go to sleep, especially since Ryan was off entertaining himself.

But before he could lie down Ryan clopped back over. "Were you really going to leave the fire unattended?" Ryan asked, frowning.

Ray shrugged, "Not like we care about this forest anyways."

Ryan rolled his eyes, not finding Ray's joke funny, which Ray didn't think was at all fair. He was _hilarious_.

Ryan set down the assorted broken pots and other junk he'd gathered next to the fire before wandering off again.

Ray wasn't sure why, but he was a little disappointed that Ryan wasn't spending time with him.

Ray turned and poked through the pile. It was mostly just oil pots and broken cups. From the markings on them he thought they might have been from near the coast. This had probably been a winter settlement for one of the huge coast to coast trading caravans.

However something else caught his attention. Ray reached forward and picked up a heavy necklace. It looked like the sort of thing that a woman who was trying to look like she was super rich would wear, all silver and rubies.

It looked super dirty and rusted, but still in good repair. Ray wondered if it was real or just some cheap junk.

Ray pulled his sleeve over his hand and rubbed the biggest jewel a little, trying to rub off enough dirt so he could see it better. It must have been lying in the sun because it was warm to the touch. When it was finally slightly cleaner Ray peered at it close to his face, and as far as he could tell it definitely _looked_ real.

Fucking _score_!

"Eh-hem," a voice said behind him and Ray felt his spine stiffen and turned slowly, his hand going to the hilt of the sword he barely knew how to use.

Despite the fact that he had _definitely_ been alone just a few seconds earlier, there was now a _naked_ woman posing against a tree.

She was about Ray's height, a bit pudgy, and all freckles and curly auburn hair.

She smiled at him, revealing unnaturally white teeth, "You look like you could use some company," she purred.

Ray gripped his sword tighter and looked around surreptitiously to see if he was being snuck up on.

The woman's smile froze for a second before she laughed and shook her head and _turned into a dude_.

"Holy shit! Ryan!" Ray yelled and pulled his sword free, suddenly infinitely more grateful that he'd decided to bring it despite its weight.

Instead of attacking or doing anything else even remotely aggressive the incubus threw its hands in the air in annoyance and snapped, "What the fuck! Are you into sheep or something?"

Ray backed up, breathing heavy, his heart in his throat. Ryan came over the hill at a run and stopped next to Ray and Ray backed up some more to half hide behind his bulk.

Ryan reared up a bit when he caught sight of the threat, "Be gone, beast!" he commanded dramatically.

The incubus just snorted, clearly not impressed, "Oh fuck off. I'm not going to kill anyone, I just need enough energy to get _home_. Now tell me what this shit is into so we can fuck and I can fuck off."

Ray still held the sword up, his arm already starting to get tired, "I'm… not really interested in sex?" he told the thing.

The incubus looked at him blankly for a moment, then exploded, "What! Fucking seriously! I finally get out of that fucking amulet and the only fucking person around is fucking _asexual_! Are you fucking kidding me! This is bullshit!"

Ray kind of half shrugged, lowering his sword. It didn't _seem_ like the demon was about to attack, and even if it was his arm being tired wouldn't exactly help.

Ryan raised an eyebrow at the demon, "So I take it you aren't about to attack us?"

The incubus scowled at him, nostrils flaring a little in rage, "Attack you? Are you a fucking moron?"

Ray glanced over at Ryan, not knowing what the thing was talking about, and Ryan gave him an equally confused shrug in return.

This didn't seem to make the incubus any happier and he scoffed again, "I'm a fucking _incubus_ , dumb shit. I fuck people, I don't fuck them up."

"You rape people," Ray pointed out.

The incubus waived its hand, "I make people want it first. I can't do anything without consent."

Ray raised his eyebrow skeptically, "Right. Pretty sure the consent doesn't count after you've spiked them with demonic aphrodisiac."

"Hey, I've had _tons_ of people turn me down. It's not my fault if some priest can't admit he wanted a piece," the thing defended.

"Right," Ray didn't agree, "Well, okay then, evil rape demon, I think me and my companion are just going to go find somewhere _else_ to camp, and you can just… do whatever it is you do. Ryan, watch him while I clean up camp."

Ray handed Ryan the sword, not knowing if Ryan knew how to use one but figuring that was the kind of thing Ryan would know, and bent down to repack the blanket and put out the fire.

But before he even started he glanced up and found the demon crouched about an inch from his face. "Where are you going?" it asked.

"Aah!" Ray yelled, falling backwards onto his ass, "Ryan I thought I told you to watch him!"

"I am watching him," the useless asshole defended.

Ray just scowled and brushed himself off, "I'm pretty sure I told you to _leave_."

"Where are you going?" the thing repeated as if it hadn't heard.

"Why do you care?" Ray shot back.

"Because, asshole, I don't know if you've noticed, but we aren't exactly very close to anything right now, and I'd rather not go wandering around randomly to try and find someone else."

Ray stared at him disbelievingly, "You. You actually think we're going to _take you with us_?"

The demon shrugged as though that wasn't totally ridiculous, "Come on. It's not like I'm going to _hurt_ anyone-"

"Rape demon!" Ray interrupted.

"Whatever," it continued, "Look, I need to get somewhere with people, and you could _clearly_ use my help. So what do you say? You scratch my back, I scratch yours?"

"We don't need your help," Ryan cut in, "I'm not sure where you're from, but around here it's usually better _not_ to travel with a hell beast."

The demon gave him a sceptical look, "Dude, your friend here just rubbed an unknown amulet. I think you guys could use my help."

Ryan looked over at Ray, "Really? You really rubbed some mysterious amulet?" he said disbelievingly.

Ray shrugged a little, "I wanted to see if it was worth anything. How the fuck was I supposed to know it was cursed?"

"It was letting off _heat_!" Ryan cried.

"Then what the fuck were you bringing a cursed amulet over here for then? Seems to me like this was _your_ fault," Ray countered.

"Eh," Ryan said, not bothering to defend himself, then turned back to the demon, "Look, the most dangerous thing we're likely to run into is some spiders. I think we'd rather not travel with you."

A shiver ran involuntarily down Ray's spine at the reminder of spiders and the demon picked up on it immediately, "Spiders _hate_ demons," he said, turning all his attention to Ray, "None of them will get close while I'm around."

"I really don't think we need someone around just to ward off spiders," Ryan started, but Ray interrupted.

"Hey come on now," Ray said, "You know what, I think the rape demon coming with us is a great idea. More the merrier."

Ryan looked at Ray's pleading face and the incubus's pleased smirk and sighed, "Fine. I suppose he doesn't pose any danger to either of us after all."

Ray turned to his new spider warder, "Well then rape demon, welcome to our quest."

The demon snorted, "Thanks," he said dryly, "I'm Michael, by the way."

"Ray," Ray introduced, "and this is Ryan," Ryan and Michael exchanged nods.

Michael flopped himself down next to the campfire, making himself comfortable, "Well then Ray and Ryan, it's nice to meet you."

  



	2. Chapter 2

Ray woke the next morning to find that sometime during the night Michael had curled up against his back, and Ray roughly elbowed him off to free himself so he could go take a piss.

When he got back Michael and Ryan were both properly awake. Ryan had gotten out a piece of bread and offered Ray some. Ray accepted wordlessly and ate before putting the stuff neatly back in the packs while Ryan went to the well to get them a drink before they left. Michael watched all this wordlessly, not making any move to help.

When Ray was done packing up he shoved the packs at Michael to carry up the hill and trudged up to meet Ryan at the well. After securing the saddle bags they all made sure to take a long drink and Ray refilled his deerskin.

Ryan looked at Michael, "I'm pretty sure I won't have a problem carrying both of you. Ray's very light, and you don't seem very heavy yourself."

Michael just nodded and watched as Ray did his best to struggle himself back into the saddle. At home he'd had a step stool and someone to help him, and yesterday he'd used a rock for a boost when he'd had to re-mount halfway through the day, but now he was trying to get on from the ground and he was having a _lot_ of trouble.

Ryan stood as still as possible, being good enough to suppress his laughter at Ray's struggles. Twice Ray managed to get himself draped over Ryan's back, but his sore limbs just weren't working well enough for him to get completely over.

"Oh my god," Michael muttered and Ray felt a hand grab the bottom of his ass and shove him up, and Ray was finally able to get his leg thrown over.

Ray looked down at Michael, slightly embarrassed, but Michael just looked annoyed and grabbed the pommel and easily hauled himself up to sit behind Ray.

Ryan started walking, giving himself time to warm up his muscles before he broke out into a run on the plains.

"You do a lot of horseback riding?" Ray asked Michael.

"Never been on one before," Michael answered as he tried to shift himself around to get comfortable.

It was kind of weird having someone pressed up against him like that. He could feel every soft curve of Michael's body, and his heat felt like an oven against Ray's back. It was awkward and left him hyper aware of Michael, but not all together _bad_.

Ray turned to give him an incredulous look, then scoffed, "Well then I'm sure your balls are going to love it," he teased, slightly mean and more than a little annoyed at how easily Michael had gotten on.

"I don't _have_ to have balls, you know," Michael responded.

Ray snorted, "Yeah, I'm sure riding with huge baps would be much better."

In response Michael pressed himself closer to Ray so Ray could clearly feel the outline of Michael's huge dick on his back. Ray stiffened a little at the uncomfortable contact and then he felt Michael's dick sort of… disappear.

Ray twisted around to look at Michael's crotch to find he was suddenly sporting a vag, and looked up at Michael, smirking and otherwise male.

Ray laughed, "Cool."  
 

*  
 

His ass felt _much_ worse that day and Ray was kind of worried he'd have to call it an early day again, but fortunately the numbness returned before too long.

It wasn't very long before they reached the edge of the forest and Ray had his first ever glimpse of the plains. He'd always heard them talked about like they were some sort of amazing sight, being able to see grass for as far as the eye could see. He guessed it was okay. People talked about the ocean the same way, and that wasn't super great either.

Ryan on the other hand let out a little gasp and slowed, "Isn't it _beautiful_?"

Ray shrugged and Michael said, "Seen it," in a bored voice.

"You're as bad as Ray," Ryan told him before starting into a gallop.

Ray groaned slightly as the jostling really started up again, and was pleased to hear Michael make a similar noise.

The ride today was even more boring than yesterday, now that there weren't even trees to look at. They should only be in the plains until midday before they darted through the trees again for a little while, but after that they would be in the plains until likely after nightfall.

Ray felt Michael adjust his grip on his waist and rest his head against his back. Ray couldn't figure out what he was doing for a second but then yelled back, "Really? You're going to fall asleep on me? _Really_?"

Michael snickered, "Hey come on. I haven't eaten in _years_. Give me a break."

Ray's stomach gave a little lurch at that. He'd been so focused on the fact that Michael was a demon that he'd kind of forgotten about that. But now that he thought about it Michael hadn't been moving much better than himself that morning, which was probably a bad sign since Ray was sore as hell.

He kind of felt a little guilty for treating Michael so badly.

Ray grunted a little, not sure what tone to take to respond to that, and asked, "So how does the whole 'succubus' thing work, anyways?"

"I 'eat' or get energy or whatever by having sex and taking human's energy. Usually it just leaves the human feeling like they have a mild head cold for a few days while their energy replenishes naturally."

Ray nodded, "And what exactly constitutes 'sex'?" he asked, curious.

Michael snorted, "Why? No one ever had the birds and the bees discussion with you?"

Ray gave a huff of laughter, "Nah, I know all about how birds fuck bees. Stingers, man."

Michael laughed and shifted against him again. It had very quickly become a natural thing for Michael to be pressed against him. "No," he explained, "Mostly it counts as sex if there's touching and orgasms."

"And that's after you put the whammy on them?"

Ray felt Michael's hair whip around a little and thought he was shaking his head, "The whammy just makes people think I'm _unbelievably_ hot. The sex counts whether the glamour works or not. I don't even really _control_ the thing."

Ray nodded, not sure what to do with that information, but at least a little interested none the less, "Huh."

They lapsed into silence again for a few minutes before Ray sat up straighter as he spotted something in the distance. At first he thought it was some rock formations or trees or something, but then he put the pieces together better and gasped, "Giants."

Michael and Ryan looked around and Ryan made a similar amazed sound.

Ray had never seen them before, and he had to admit, they were _majestic_.

Even from this distance Ray could tell that they _towered_ above even the tallest tree. Ray could vaguely make out the stone and moss that made up their skin, ever coming into focus as they got closer.

The ground was shaking slightly, but far less than you would expect from walking mountains, and Ray could feel it more and more as Ryan slowed as the giants approached them on their way.

There had to be over a dozen of them, tall enough that they would likely scrape the clouds on an overcast day.

Ray could more and more make out the craggy shapes of their joints, and the small trees and foliage growing across their surfaces.

If he strained his neck he could look up into their immense faces, looking like they'd been carved out of a mountainside.

Finally, the giants were right on top of them, stretching up too far for Ray to see and blocking out the sun.

The giants all gently stepped around them, and Ray marvelled as he spotted the freaking _squirrels_ that lived on their legs. He could hear running water from somewhere above and realized that one of them must have a _waterfall_ on its mass.

Some of the giants paused to point down at Ryan, and looking up Ray was able to make out what he thought was a baby, clutched tight to a chest in the sky and waving down at them. Ray waved back, no idea if the giants could even make out his features from so far away.

The giants murmuring voices filled the air, barley noticeable over the sound of their footsteps and the chattering of the life on them, sounding like music made from rocks and trees and water, and it rumbled through Ray's bones.

It felt like time stood still as they passed by the giants. It probably was only a few seconds, but it felt like _hours_ , and then the giants were behind them, quickly disappearing into the distance with their long strides.

They stood and watched them go for a few more minutes, knowing they would be able to make out the moving masses for the entire length they were on the plains.

"Whoa," Ray breathed, a smile playing across his face without him realizing.

"Yeah," Ryan agreed, and Michael gripped him tighter.  
 

*  
 

Even as they travelled for hours every time Ray turned around he could still see the giants retreating backs and he couldn’t help turning to look every now and then.

Unfortunately this day was going to be much longer than the first, since it wasn't safe to sleep unsheltered in the plains, and they were still a ways off from the base of the mountainous area that marked the next closest border of the plains, so they had no choice but to run until they arrived even though at this point it was clear that would be into the night.

"So," Ryan said as the sun started to get really low and they were all getting more tense, "Michael, you wouldn't happen to have some sort of snake detecting power?"

"No," Michael said, looking around a little, "Are there vampires around here?"

Ray groaned, "Seriously, dickhead? I was only worried about coyotes and snakes and now you bring up _vampires_?"

Ryan chuckled at Ray's fear, "No, there aren't any vampires near here."

Ray wasn't totally reassured but Michael nodded, "Then we should be fine. The snakes around here aren't particularly bold. They'll stay away when they feel hooves approaching."

"Alright," Ryan agreed, sounding way to calm considering vampires had just been mentioned, "You two just keep an eye out for holes or anything, it's getting hard to see."

Michael snorted, "That'll have to be Ray's job. My vision is shit."

"Really?" Ryan asked, curious, "I didn't realize incubuses had poor vision."

"They don't," Michael replied, "My eyes just suck."

Ryan hummed, "Maybe you should think about finding a glass maker for a pair of eyeglasses?"

Michael snorted, "Right. I'm not sure if you've noticed, but humans don't tend to take too kindly to demons."

Ryan nodded, "Yeah. I do know that," and he sounded a tiny bit somber and Ray felt his stomach twist a little at the reminder of how shit his species could be at times. He kind of had a reflexive urge to defend human's but squashed it down. Whatever the history was it was pretty undeniable that _right now_ human's had a habit of being dicks.

The sun sunk below the horizon and the sky was lit up by stars, providing enough light for Ray to try and see the occasional rabbit hole and shit. It would be a fucking _nightmare_ if Ryan twisted a leg.

It was slightly cooler out here, but still relatively warm, and it was very _quiet_ without the choruses of frogs and bugs that Ray was used to. He felt like he could probably hear an owl from miles away.

They managed to reach the base of the mountain without incident, and they all let out a sigh of relief. Michael and Ray climbed off of Ryan and he pretty much immediately curled up on the ground. Ray felt bad for how far he'd had to go that day, but at least this was supposed to be the only long day. Tomorrow was all over the mountains, which would be slow going, and after that they only had to cross through the outer farmlands to reach the main city of Rooster Teeth.

This time Michael at least tried to help and stumbled around trying to gather up twigs as Ray built the fire pit near the rocky shore of a stream.

It had clearly rained recently, and the fire was a good distance from any trees, so Ray figured _fuck it_ and he'd just leave it burning during the night.

Michael sat down next to Ray as Ray tiredly ate some of the food he'd packed. He was already looking forward to a proper meal again.

Michael stared out over the plains and gestured at a light in the distance, "What town's that?"

Ray frowned and pulled out the map. They were basically in the middle of nowhere. He frowned at the light and checked his compass for the direction before looking back at the map, "I think that's Achievement Burg?"

It was the only settlement it could be and it was almost two hundred kilometres away.

Okay, so maybe the plains were a _little_ cool.

  



	3. Chapter 3

They overslept the next morning, but luckily Michael woke up before the sun got too high and kicked them awake.

Ray yawned and sat up. The mountain was blocking the rising sun, which Ray decided he would blame for them not getting up at a reasonable time, and they quickly set off.

Ray was actually feeling a little _better_ than he had yesterday, to his surprise, and Ryan seemed his usual self. Michael, on the other hand, was dragging ass.

"You doing okay?" Ray asked, feeling a little bit worried.

Michael nodded, looking like his head was slightly too heavy for him, "I told you. I haven't eaten in a long time."

Ray bit his lip. He didn't really _like_ Michael. He knew better than to start feeling attached to a demon, but after having him pressed up against his back all day, and seeing his shared amazement at the giants, Ray was kind of feeling a _little_ sympathetic.

"Is there anything that would give you, like, a pick-me-up? I'm not going to spend the rest of the journey with a _cold_ , but is there anything else?" Ray asked.

Michael shrugged, "Groping can kind of let me _share_ energy. All that would happen to you would be you'd feel a little tired while it was happening."

Ray looked to Ryan for confirmation, but Ryan was distracted with looking at the trees and didn't seem to be listening.

Ray frowned. It wasn't a good idea to listen to a demon. It was actually a _terrible_ idea.

But, he supposed, it also wouldn't be good if his spider warder passed out or anything. And, like, he'd had Michael's hands around him all day yesterday and that hadn't been bad.

Ray sighed and grabbed Michael's hand and shoved it down the front of his pants, "No fingering," he instructed firmly and turned back to the path, trying to ignore his stupid decision.

Ray felt Michael flex out his fingers then cup Ray, "I'm serious dude," Ray said, "You touch something that doesn't grow hair and we're going to have problems."

Michael nodded into his back, "Understood." Then there was a small pause, then, "Thank you."

Ray only grunted in response.

*

Since Ryan couldn't run on the uneven ground he could actually talk to them now, and once he remembered they were there he started pointing out trees and shit and telling them stupid facts about them. It was kind of going in one ear and out the other, but Ray enjoyed hearing Ryan speak. The guy had a nice voice.

Back home Ray had once asked his mom about stuff from the coast in hopes that he could know something that would interest Ryan, but as much as Ray had tried he'd never been able to force himself to care about this kind of shit.

Michael seemed to have woken up a bit more and he was taking charge of the other half of the conversation in Ray's silence, and was pointing out some of the types of trees himself and mentioning carpentry projects he'd done with the different woods.

Demons had carpenters. Who knew?

Ray listened to them talk back and forth for a bit, quickly growing used to Michael's hand, and actually finding the odd stroke of his thumb across Ray's thigh nice, and he was threatening to drift off.

"So what do you do when you're not on a 'quest'?" Michael asked Ray.

"Hmm?" Ray said, jostled back to proper wakefulness, "Oh, uh, I'm a farrier."

Michael's reaction was _immediate_. He ripped his hand out of Ray's pants and jerked away from him so violently that he lost his balance in the saddle.

"Whoa there!" Ryan yelled and stopped quickly as Michael fell from the saddle to the ground in an ungraceful clump. Ryan turned around to look at him and Ray scrambled off the saddle as best he could.

Michael was moving farther away from Ray in the uneven terrain of the mountain, furiously brushing himself off and stumbling backwards into a tree, causing a very distressed sounding bird to start squawking.

"Fucks your problem?" Ray asked, having no _idea_ what was going on.

But evidently Ryan did, because Ryan knew everything, "Ray's a _centaur_ farrier. He only works with our metals."

Michael paused and looked skeptically at Ray and Ray realized, duh, Michael was worried Ray had iron on his skin from working with it a lot.

"Yeah dude, don't worry. No iron," Ray said and held up his hands like there was some way for Michael to see that.

Michael looked at him suspiciously as the honestly kind of sick sounding bird picked up volume. Michael nodded slowly, "Okay. I mean, I guess I don't really have another option here, do I?"

Ray laughed softly, "Yeah, guess not."

The bird fucking _squeaked_ loud enough Ray swore it could shatter glass and Michael gave a full body jerk. "Jesus fuck!" Michael yelled in surprise, "Dude let's get out of here, this forest's birds are fucking _possessed_."

Ray nodded in agreement. He'd never heard a bird sound like _that_ before, and peered through the leaves of the tree to try and get a glimpse of it.

"Do you think it's in pain?" Ryan asked, sounding concerned. Ray suppressed a huff. Of course Ryan would be all touchy feely about this shit. The woman he kept banging children into was a fucking _veterinarian_ after all, it had to rub off on him at least a little.

Michael rolled his eyes, "Who cares," and walked forward to get back on Ryan. Ray would have loved to do that too, but he knew a lost cause when he saw one, and sure enough Ryan stepped around Michael so he was closer to the tree and tried to peer through the leaves to find the bird.

Michael let out a small growl at realizing that this was going to happen whether he liked it or not and stepped forward to help look when something small _exploded_ out of the tree right at his face.

"Aah!" Michael yelled and swatted it. The thing was hit and _finally_ shut up for a second, but then immediately flew up again, just enough so that Ray could see it was a _fairy._

"Oh fuck!" Ryan yelled and started scrambling backwards, Ray doing the same. Fairies were _bad news_ when they were disturbed. One of the things couldn't really do shit, but the things lived in _hives_ and a hive could kill a couple of people no problem.

But Ray was paying just enough attention to realize he couldn't hear the drone of thousands of wings and stilled. If they hadn't disturbed the hive than he wasn't about to make any sudden movement and Ryan seemed to have gotten the same idea, freezing as well as the fairy darted around Michael's head.

Michael leaned away from it and tried to swat at it again, and Ryan let out a warning hiss.

Michael just glanced over at him, "There's no hive," he said casually and reached out and grabbed the fairy out of the air, causing it to squeak louder.

Ray and Ryan moved forward cautiously. "Are you _sure_?" Ryan asked.

Michael nodded and brought his hand closer to his face and unfurled his fingers just enough so that he could look at the fairy but it couldn't fly off.

The thing immediately started trying to crawl over Michael's fingers and Michael made an annoyed sound and let it go and it flew up to hover in front of Michael's face.

"Hello!" it greeted, sounding _way_ to chipper for something that had just been screaming at them.

Michael just scowled back, but apparently that didn't deter the thing as it just said, if possible even _brighter_ , "My name's Gavin. What's yours?"

Michael looked at it darkly for a second then muttered, "Fuck this," and made his way back over to Ryan.

Ryan raised his eyebrow at Michael, but didn't stop him from climbing on his back.

Unfortunately that didn't do anything to deter Gavin and he followed behind Michael, "You've got lovely hair," Gavin informed him and tried again to dive bomb Michael's head. Michael growled and swatted at him, but Gavin just flew to land on Ryan's human back instead.

Ryan laughed as Gavin tickled him a little, "Hi there," he greeted, twisting around to look down at Gavin, "I'm Ryan. Why are you out here all by yourself?"

"Weeell, you know" Gavin said, shrugging hugely before changing the subject in the most obvious way possible, "So why are _you_ out here? There's bugger all around."

"We're going to Rooster Teeth," Ryan answered.

Michael made an angry noise, "Don't tell him that."

Gavin flew off of Ryan's back to hover in front of Michael again, "And why not? Don't you like me?"

"Why the fuck would I like you?" Michael snapped back, "All you've fucking done is made a huge fucking racket and tried to climb in my hair."

"I think I've been lovely," Gavin answered primly, "Ryan? Don't you think I've been lovely?"

Ryan laughed and Ray rolled his eyes before he pulled himself back into the saddle with Michael's help. As soon as Ray was seated Ryan resumed his walking and Gavin buzzed after them.

"I want to come too," he said.

Michael glared, "And why the fuck should we let you come?"

"Well you're on some sort of epic quest, yeah? I can help!"

Ray snorted, "How? We're only keeping Michael around because he can fend off spiders. What can you do?"

"I can fend off spiders," Gavin volunteered excitedly, "If any of them come around I'll fight them!" and he reached to pull out his rapier but it was obviously in its sheath tighter than he'd expected and Gavin ended up pulling himself in a circle and falling out of the air to land on Ryan's back.

Gavin jumped back up quickly and hovered in front of Ray, an expression on his face as though he _hadn't_ just embarrassed himself.

"I say he can come along," Ryan piped up, "After all, it's not like he takes up _space_."

"That's right," Gavin agreed, "I'm very portable."

Unlike Michael, who had spent most of his time the first day scowling or sleeping, Gavin was _very_ talkative.

"Ryan, what are you on a quest for?"

"We're going to the King to get a knight to slay a dragon that's been terrorizing our village."

Gavin made some sort of cooing sound that Ray hadn't heard anything make before, "So are you not the heroes? Are you going to get the brave heroes?"

Ray rolled his eyes, "Yeah, we're going to fetch the moron who's willing to throw himself at a dragon."

"That's exciting!" Gavin concluded, "One time I saw a lizard and it was right scary."

"The fuck is _that_ what you compare a dragon too?" Michael snapped, "Lizards don't breathe _fire_."

Gavin didn't seemed deterred at all, "Well they both have scales. So why do you live in the village?" he asked Michael and buzzed behind Ray's head.

Michael grunted, "I _don't_ , I'm just bumming a ride in exchange for keeping away spiders."

"What like all spiders? Why would you want to keep away all spiders?" Gavin asked, "Most spiders are _lovely_."

"No," Ray answered, "No they are not."

"They are," Gavin insisted, "They make lovely pets."

Ray made a gagging noise and Michael chuckled a little before letting out an annoyed yell, "Get the fuck out of my hair!"

"But it's so soft!"

*

It was only a little after they'd picked up again after their mid-day stop that they'd rounded enough of the mountain so that, just on the edge of their view, they could see Rooster Teeth.

Ryan whistled, and Ray had to admit even he was a little impressed.

He couldn't make out much from this distance, just the vague impression of farmland and the outline of the castle, but he could tell it was _huge_ , easily twenty times the size of Twitchings, probably much more.

Gavin and Michael didn't seem impressed, probably because neither of them could actually see that far.

"So," Gavin asked, "What are we going to do when we get there?"

" _We_ aren't going to do anything," Ryan answered, "Ray is going to go talk to the King or a representative and hopefully they'll assign a knight to go and slay our dragon."

Gavin nodded and fell silent for a second before he asked, "So what's a king?"

Michael snorted, "Seriously? You don't know what a king is?"

"Well alright," Gavin protested to the mocking, "I'm not from around here am I?"

Ray could _feel_ Michael roll his eyes, "It's like the leader of the kingdom. Like the one that tells everyone else what to do and has to deal with it if we get attacked."

"Aah," Gavin said in understanding. "Well how are they chosen?"

"Whoever came out of the last Queen's vagina, basically," Ray answered.

Ryan snorted and Gavin spluttered, "But doesn't everyone come from the Queen?"

Ray turned to where he was nestled in Michael's curls to give him a look, "No?"

Gavin bristled a little at that, "But the Queen is where people _come from_ ," he insisted.

"Not for humans," Ryan informed him.

"What? Then where do humans come from?"

Ryan chuckled, "Human, and centaur for that matter, females are almost all capable of giving birth. A large percentage of them have between one and five children of their own."

Gavin gasped, "So, what? There are _loads_ of Queen's?"

Ryan shrugged, "Half of humans and centaurs are able to give birth, yes."

"Half!" Gavin cawed, sounding amazed.

"The fuck do fairies do it?" Ray asked.

Gavin still sounded _way_ to excited about his new knowledge, but answered Ray, "Well the Queen has the whole colony, doesn't she? Or at least until there's a new Queen."

"I don't- does she?" Ray asked.

Gavin buzzed around so he was next to Ryan, "Ryan, are _you_ female?" he asked sounding excited.

Ryan shook his head, "No, I'm male."

"And what's a male?"

"Male's are the ones capable of impregnating females. I believe fairies have a close equivalent?"

Gavin nodded, "Yeah, drones. That's' not very exciting, is it?" he said, sounding disappointed that Ryan wasn't more _exotic_.

Gavin turned to Ray next, "How about you? Are you male or female? Or are there more options?" he asked, directing the last question at Ryan.

Ryan chuckled, "In terms of making children that's about it."

Gavin nodded and turned back to Ray expectantly. Ray rolled his eyes, "I'm male. But Ryan was simplifying. Sometimes dudes can get knocked up too."

Gavin took a second to translate that, then Ray saw his eyes light up, "You're a Queen!" he cried excitedly.

Ray made an annoyed noise, "Yeah, no."

Gavin wasn't listening, instead flying down to Ray's abdomen. Ray tried to take his hand off the horn to swat him away but his balance wasn't good enough and he had to quickly grab it again.

"You can make _babies_ in you!" Gavin trilled excitedly, bumping himself into Ray's stomach where Ray was pretty damn sure his uterus _wasn't_.

"Got to tell you, I'm not really looking to be your fertility god," Ray snapped.

He was honestly a little surprised that Gavin took the hint and he flew up, possibly even looking a little _guilty_.

"Right," Gavin muttered, then turned his attention back to Michael, "So what about you?"

"I'm not a human _or_ a centaur, dumbass," Michael answered.

"Well yeah," Gavin agreed, "But how do you have babies? Do you have lots of Queens too or just one?"

"We don't have _any_ 'queens'," Michael answered, and despite himself Ray found himself a bit interested in this. He'd known that fairies kind of worked like honeybees, but he had no _idea_ how baby demons were made. "We just take some excess energy and make an egg and guard it until it hatches."

"Like plants?" Gavin asked,

"Excuse me?" Michael snapped, clearly not happy about that comparison and Gavin spluttered to explain.

"Well like some plants _bud_ , yeah? So like that?"

Michael growled, "Yeah, and some plants _pollinate_ , so are you like that?"

"Well alright," Gavin replied, sounding properly chastised.

Gavin must have at least picked up a _little_ that he was asking inappropriate questions, or maybe he was just processing what he'd learnt, because he lapsed into silence.

It was Gavin though, so it only lasted for a few minutes before he asked, "So Ryan, you know all sorts of science stuff, yeah? So why do triangles add up to going the other way?" and the conversation picked up again.

Ray had the fucking worst luck in picking travel companions, he thought fondly.

*

As the day wore on they got a clearer and clearer view of Rooster Teeth, until they started to approach flat ground and it passed again under the horizon, and then behind the side of the mountain. That evening they stopped next to the stream that lead into the river that Rooster Teeth was founded around. Even though the actual city was around a rock outcropping and out of view of their campsite they could still see signs of humanity again in the tilled fields and occasional structure

They decided to try their hands at fishing since they'd had to stop a bit early to avoid camping in a farmer's field.

Gavin had been very enthusiastic about the fishing and Ryan had humoured him by letting him watch one of the lures they'd set up attached to sticks, but they quickly realized that even though Gavin had the strength to haul up a fish, he _didn't_ have the patience to watch a lure, and after a second fish got away because Gavin wasn't watching Ryan shooed him away to go find himself some fruit.

Ray didn't have much better luck, and neither did Ryan, both of them only catching a couple of tiny little fishes that weren't worth anything other than bait, but apparently Michael was some sort of fishing savant because it wasn't long before he had enough for them to eat their fill in something that wasn't dried fruit and bread.

Ryan got stuck with the job of cleaning the fish since Michael had said he didn't have to since he'd caught them, and Ray was busy setting up the fire.

Gavin came back just as Michael and Ryan had set up a branch across the fire to hang the fish to cook.

Ray looked up lazily when he heard Gavin's buzzing and did a double take. For some reason Gavin had decided to bring back an apple almost bigger than his entire _body_ , his arms and legs gripping it tightly.

Michael stood up and grabbed it, Gavin letting go relieved.

"Why the fuck did you bring back something so big?" Michael demanded.

Ray saw a flash of his teeth as he grinned, "Well horses like apples, right?"

Michael just snorted, but Ryan gave Gavin an indulgent smile, "I'm not a horse, but I do like apples, thank you."

That seemed to delight Gavin and he zoomed around a bit, poking around the area and occasionally letting out a squawk when he caused something to fall out of a tree.

The fish were alright, not as good as if they had been cooked inside, but still not bad.

Tomorrow they would reach Rooster Teeth and with any luck Ray's part in this would be done before nightfall. The brave knight or whatever would set off and Ray was fully planning on indulging in a night in an inn where he could have a properly cooked meal and get himself _clean._

  
  



	4. Chapter 4

They rose early the next morning, eager to get on their way since they should reach Rooster Teeth shortly after midday.

Ray busied himself with taking apart the campfire, and Michael and Ryan packed up everything they'd used last night. There was a silence that hummed with excitement between them.

The journey hadn't been as fucking terrible as Ray had feared, but he was sore and dirty and worried about the village and was just glad that it was going to be over soon.

"We'll drop you off outside the city limits," Ryan told Michael as they bent over to get a drink of water.

Michael nodded mutely, and Ray felt a little twist in his stomach that today was the last day he'd see Michael.

Not that he actually cared about the demon he'd meet two days ago. He just didn't like that there wouldn't be anyone to scare off spiders during the return journey, that was all. He wasn't going to miss the asshole.

Finally they stood and surveyed the area to make sure they hadn't forgotten anything and got ready to go.

Michael looked around annoyed, "Where the fuck did Gavin get to? Yo Dicky-Bitch! Get your ass over here or we're leaving without you!" he yelled.

Gavin darted around the corner of the rocks, "Uhh," Gavin said sounding weird, "I think there might be a problem."

"What did you do?" Michael demanded. Ray turned to look at Gavin and thought he looked a little white.

"I didn't do anything," Gavin replied voice higher than yesterday, "I think you should look for yourselves," and he flew off back around the rock outcropping that was blocking their view of Rooster Teeth.

Michael looked over at Ray, who shrugged, and the three of them followed around the corner.

"Well that isn't good," Michael said flatly.

Sometime during the night the entire city had become covered in a thick, black fog, clearly unnatural, and _clearly_ not the kind of thing that they wanted to walk into.

"The fuck?" Ray asked.

Michael glanced at him, "It's demonic mist. They must be under attack."

Ray threw his hands in the air, "Well that's just great," he said, "We come all this way and it turns out the city's under fucking demonic siege! There's no way they could spare a knight even if we were stupid enough to go in there. I guess that explains why there's a dragon so far from the mountains at least. It must be trying to get away from this shit."

Ray turned and violently kicked a rock. This _sucked!_ What the fuck were they supposed to do now?

Ryan came over and laid his hand on Ray's shoulder and Ray turned to glare at him, not wanting to be comforted. "We'll think of something, okay?" Ryan reassured, "I think right now we should just go find cover. There's a house a little over there that might give us shelter, and they might know what's going on."

Ray sighed and nodded, "Yeah, okay. Let's go."  
  


*  
  


They made their way in silence towards the house across a half planted field of cabbage. All the while they kept their eyes on the black fog that used to be Rooster Teeth.

Ray wasn't worried for Rooster Teeth. This kind of thing happened all the time, and he knew they had more than enough soldiers and wizards to be able to fight back a demon surge. It still didn't mean it wasn't a scary thing to see, and it put Ray on edge.

The house they were heading towards was a simple cabin with an overgrown garden and hung with twists of herbs. Either a witch or some sort of 'eccentric' lived there, but at the moment Ray honestly didn't care, he just wanted to be under cover.

When they got near to the house the owner threw the door open, and yep, definitely not the kind of guy Ray would normally go into the house of.

The dude had the biggest handlebar moustache and his arms and hands were absolutely _covered_ in tattoos.

Ryan stopped up short when he appeared, and Ray heard Michael groan a little, "Wizard," he muttered in Ray's ear.

"Sup?" the guy asked, waving a bottle at them that Ray really hoped wasn't full of some sort of evil potion.

"Uh," Ray answered, glancing at the ominous dark cloud and then back at the guy who seemed utterly relaxed, "We were kind of hoping we could hide out at your place, considering the whole demon thing," Ray gestured vaguely at the evil.

Ray was certain that it was going to take a lot to convince the guy, Ray certainly wouldn't have easily offered their party shelter, but the guy just said, "Sure," and turned to go back inside, calling ahead of him, "Jack we have _visitors_."

Ray glanced at the other two nervously, and climbed down off Ryan. He wasn't sure what this guy's damage was that he didn't feel the need to comment on why they had an incubus with them, but _sure_ , okay.

Ray cautiously entered the house and found it shabby but not terrible on the inside. The guy was sitting at a central table with a burly, beardy dude.

Tattoos grinned at him, "Want a drink?" he offered out the bottle of something and Ray shook his head. The dude shrugged and took a long swallow.

Ryan came in behind him, having to duck a little to get through the door, but luckily the house had a high enough ceiling to be comfortable for him, and Michael (with Gavin darting around his head) followed last.

As soon as Michael saw the bearded dude he let out a yell of annoyance and threw his hands in the air, "Are you fucking kidding me! Three humans since getting out and I get an asexual, a wizard, and a fucking _blacksmith_. Jesus _fuck_ are there even suitable humans _left_ anymore."

Tattoos laughed and Gavin let out a squawk and flew up, "Why's it matter if someone's a blacksmith?" Michael opened his mouth to answer, but Gavin just kept talking, "That's right not nice to judge someone on their profession you know. Very rude," he chastised.

Michael stared at him for a second then said, "You know what. Yeah Gavin, you're right. Go give that guy a big hug. Use your whole fucking body."

Ryan made a displeased noise at Michael, "Blacksmiths are basically _embedded_ with iron, which demon's _and_ fairies need to avoid."

Gavin made a noise of comprehension and flew over to the owner of the house, "Whatcha drinking?" he asked.

"Whiskey," Tattoos answered, "Want some?"

"Course," Gavin cheered and Tattoos sloshed some in a saucer so Gavin could land and lap at it.

Tattoos looked happily at Gavin then turned back to them, "Oh, I guess I should introduce myself. _I_ am the Great Wizard Geoff," he announced with a flourish, "and this is my lovely assistant Jack."

Jack looked at him unamused, "I'm a blacksmith in the city," he corrected and Geoff psh'd and waived his hand.

"So who are you?" Jack asked.

"I'm Ryan, and these are Ray, Michael, and Gavin," Ryan introduced.

"Nice to meet you all," Geoff said brightly.

"Right," Ryan said, "Well, uhh, we were trying to fetch a knight from Rooster Teeth, but it looks like that isn't going to happen now."

Geoff nodded, "Yeah. It's the darnedest thing. Should be all cleared up in about a month or so though. These things never take very long."

Ray's stomach twisted a little and Ryan answered, "Well, yes, but we kind of need help _now_. You wouldn't happen to know where the next nearest city with knights is?"

Geoff took another pull from his bottle, "What is it you need a knight for?"

"Our village is under attack by a dragon," Ryan responded.

Geoff seemed to get excited by that answered, "Really? I'm great at slaying dragons! I'll do it."

Ray looked at him doubtfully. The guy was obviously a drunk, and any wizard that wasn't called upon during a demonic siege _probably_ wasn't that great at his job.

"Uh," Ryan answered, obviously thinking the same thing, "That's _really nice_ of you, but really, just point us in the direction of some knights."

Geoff shook his head, "All the ones I know of are at the city. If you _really_ insist on a knight then I'm afraid you don't really have much of a choice but to wait until the battle ends."

Ray groaned and sank down in a chair. They couldn't do that. The dragon would torch all their fucking fields by then.

Ray and Ryan exchanged a helpless look, both very aware of that fact and turned back to Geoff, "Okay," Ryan agreed, "If you think you can handle a dragon then I guess we could use your help."

Geoff grinned, "You guys won't be disappointed," he assured and knocked Gavin's saucer over while gesturing with his bottle.

This was going to work out _great._  
  


*  
  


Geoff offered them all some food and started messing around at his cooking pot when they said yes.

"You know," Geoff said, "If you guys wanted to wash up there's a stream out back."

Ray frowned and turned to look out the back window at the dense forest, "Uhh, no there isn't."

Geoff grinned, "Why don't you go check."

Ray stood and hesitantly walked over to the back door and pushed it open. Just like expected it opened onto an unkempt garden, seedy woods, and no stream _._

Ray took a step outside so Geoff couldn't say he didn't look and all of a sudden he was in a fucking breathtaking garden, surrounded by humongous bright plants and a picturesque stream and the sound of birds and everything.

Ray's mouth dropped open and he took a hurried step backwards, and he was back in the house staring out at the forest.

Ray turned to look at Geoff, mouth slightly open, and Geoff grinned back, "I told you, I'm a _wizard_."

Ray laughed, "Sweet," and walked back out.

He looked around more this time, and it really did look like one of those painting of, like, idyllic royal gardens, or where _gods_ would hang out, or whatever.

Actually it looked _suspiciously_ like that.

Ray laughed to himself. The fucking nerd had copied a painting.

Unlike the real outside, here the sun was warm on his skin. Ray let his shoulders relax a little at being out of the view of the demon cloud and stripped off his tunic and trousers. He'd fucking lived in the things for the last few days and they were pretty fucking gross.

Ray waded into the stream until he was at the deepest part, only a little more than waist deep and took a deep breath before submerging himself completely.

The water was cool and refreshing, and even without any soap Ray soon found himself feeling cleaner than he had in days, and he was finally free of fucking dirt.

Ray came up again and started scrubbing at himself lazily. The water was cool and the sun was warm and he was _alone._ Ray wasn't in any rush.

He probably spent too long outside, but he couldn't really bring himself to care, he deserved a little break.

Eventually the door of what _looked_ like a huge country mansion pushed open and Geoff came out, "Hey dude, lunch's almost ready if you want to start-oh!" Geoff yelled when he got a proper view of Ray's naked body and slapped his hand over his face, "Oh fuck man, sorry, I thought you were a dude. I am _super_ sorry!" he pleaded.

"I _am_ a dude," Ray corrected, slightly irritated.

"Really?" Geoff asked and Ray grunted in confirmation. Geoff took his hand off his eyes and leered hardcore at Ray.

Ray stared at him disbelieving, "Seriously dude?"

Geoff just snickered and went back inside.

Ray climbed reluctantly out of the water and shook himself like a dog, feeling much cleaner, even if he was still all greasy and shit.

He regretfully pulled his dirty clothes back on and followed Geoff inside.

The others were all around the table, Jack and Michael seated, Ryan standing, and Gavin sitting crossed legged on the table next to Michael.

Geoff grinned and started to ladle the stew into bowls and serve them before sitting down himself. It wasn't the kind of food Ray normally ate, but after not having real food for a few days it was the best thing Ray had ever tasted.

Geoff smiled, pleased that they all liked his food, "So where are you guys from, exactly?"

"The south," Ryan answered, "Over in the marsh's. Twitchings."

Geoff nodded and seemed to think for a second, "Right," Geoff snapped his fingers, "I think I've got a portal set up that comes out near Crabjest. Should be a faster journey from there, right?"

Ray raised his eyebrow, "It would be a much faster journey, yeah. It's less than a full days ride between Crabjest and Twitchings. Just, um, how _sure are you_ that your portal works?"

Geoff made a dismissive noise and flapped his hand, which didn't reassure any of them. Ryan exchanged a glance with Ray and turned back to Geoff again, " _Okay_ , it's just, uh, we aren't _used_ to magic, is all. So we're, uh, a little nervous."

Geoff grinned and shook his head, "No dude, it's _fine_. Totally fine. Never had a single problem except for the black stuff."

"Black stuff?" Ray repeated in alarm, but Geoff pretended he hadn't heard.

Jesus fuck they were all going to die.  
  


*  
  


After lunch Geoff started cleaning up the table and Michael rose to help out of a politeness that he certainly hadn't been showing earlier.

Geoff turned to him, "So I never did ask. Why's an incubus care about some village's dragon problem?"

"I don't," Michael replied bluntly, "Ray freed me from an amulet and agreed to take me somewhere there were people I could _actually_ feed from."

"How'd he free you?" Geoff asked curious.

Michael snorted, "Dumbass decided to rub an unknown amulet he found."

Geoff turned to look at Ray opened mouth but Ray cut him off, "I _know_. Ryan already told me I'm an idiot, thanks."

Geoff snickered and turned back to Michael, "So then why are you still travelling with them?"

"Don't know if you noticed, but I _still_ haven't found someone to re-charge on."

Geoff raised his eyebrow, "You know my penis could be someone."

Michael gave Geoff a sceptical look, "You're volunteering to let me suck your energy out through your dick?"

Geoff grinned, "I have a firm policy of always agreeing to anything that involves 'suck' and 'dick'."

"Right. Okay. _Dumbass_ , you agreed to fight a _dragon_. Like, two days from now. How the fuck are you planning on doing that while your energy is drained?"

Geoff waived dismissively, "I'm a wizard. I've got _more_ than enough energy."

Michael gave Geoff a look then turned to Ryan who just shrugged and Michael looked back at Geoff, "Alright. If you're offering."

Geoff grinned, "My penis is _definitely_ offering. Jack, finish the cleaning," he instructed and grabbed Michael's hand and led him out the back door.

Ryan raised his eyebrow and looked at Jack, "Is he always like this?"

"Pretty much," Jack answered, "You get used to it."

Ryan laughed, then lowered his voice a little to ask, "So, uh, can he _actually_ slay a dragon?"

Jack sighed, "Probably not, but he _might_ be able to put up some enchantments to ward it off. Or at least fire proof your fields."

Ryan nodded, "Alright. I guess we don't really have a better option, huh?"

There was suddenly a mighty crash on the back wall and everyone jumped.

Ray whistled, "I think Michael’s enjoying his lunch more than we did.”  
  


*  
  


Ray helped Jack finish cleaning up and Jack fished out a pack of cards for them to pass the time with while they waited for Michael and Geoff to finish up.

Ray was enjoying getting to not be moving or _outside_ and he was all for Michael and Geoff taking as long as they wanted.

Jack started shuffling the cards, "Poker?"

"What's poker?" Gavin asked.

Ray frowned at him, "I'm not sure you can really play…" he said, failing to figure out the logistics of Gavin playing with cards slightly bigger than he was.

Gavin squeaked, "Well that's not fair! I want to play to."

Ryan laughed, "Don't worry Gavin, I have an idea." Ryan gathered up a spare shirt and some cups and set them up so that they formed a little card tent for Gavin, and Gavin trilled happily.

"Okay," Jack said when they had finished messing around, "So what are we playing?"

"You said poker," Gavin reminded.

Ryan opened his mouth to start explaining the rules of poker, but Ray interrupted, "No. Nope, we are _not_ going to try and teach him poker right now. Go Fish is easy. We're playing Go Fish."

Even though Go Fish had to be one of the easiest games in existence Gavin still had trouble with it, but eventually they got a game under way.

"Jack," Gavin asked, "Are you male or female?"

Jack raised his eyebrows at Gavin and gave Ryan and Ray a questioning look. Ray shrugged, past caring, but Ryan chuckled, "He just learnt about human genders. He found it very interesting."

"Ah," Jack said, "Well Gavin, I'm male, and so is Geoff."

Gavin nodded, "And are you a male who's a little Queen? Ray is."

Ray cast Gavin a dirty look but Jack didn't seem to care, "No I'm not. So Gavin, what gender are you?"

Gavin spluttered a little, "Well I'm a _worker_ , obviously," he squawked indignantly.

"Are you fucking kidding me," Ray muttered at the hypocrisy, but Jack and Ryan just seemed to think it was cute. Ray suddenly remembered an interesting fact about bees, "Hey, aren't workers _female_?" he teased Gavin. He knew it was kind of douchey but _come on_.

Gavin squawked, " _No_! You said female's were little Queen's and I'm no sort of _Queen_."

Jack raised his hand placatingly, "Alright. What pronouns do you prefer?"

"Don't know," Gavin answered, "What's a pronoun?"

Ryan explained, "Like 'he' or 'she' or 'it'. Words used so you don't have to say someone's name over and over. So instead of saying 'Ray went to the stream' you can say _'he_ went to the stream'."

Gavin nodded in understanding, "Well I don't know," he mused, "You lot only speak English."

Ryan looked at Gavin curiously, "What pronouns do you have in your language?"

"Well we've got one for fairies and one for everything that isn't a fairy, I think."

Ray thought for a second then exclaimed "You call us 'it'! Fucking conceited douchebags."

Gavin bristled a little, " _No_ , we just have a different language."

"Yeah, a different language to be douchebags in," Ray retorted, grinning.

"Well alright, don't be mean," Gavin replied, faux primly.

They lapsed into silence again for a few seconds before Gavin thought of a new train of questioning, "So are you and Geoff friends? Do you live with each other? What's a mirage? Are you in one?"

"A mirage- oh a _marriage_. No, Geoff and I aren't married," Jack said and blushed a little.

A smirk broke out over Ray's face and he turned it to Jack full force, getting a swat for his troubles, "Shut up," Jack muttered.

Ray kept grinning, "So are you getting super hard listening right now?" he asked and there was a perfectly timed bang.

Jack blushed a bit darker and turned to Ryan to change the subject, "So Ryan, do you have anyone?"

Ryan shook his head, smiling a little at how obvious Jack was, "There's a woman I've had children with, but that's basically a surrogacy thing. We aren’t together and the children are entirely hers. I'm single."

Jack nodded and looked over at Ray, "How about you? Michael said you were asexual, but do you have a partner?"

Ray shook his head, "Nope, I'm all by my one-some."

"That must get lonely sometimes," Jack said.

Ray shrugged, "I like my privacy."

Jack nodded, "But still."

Gavin fluttered his wings loudly at the fact that no one had spoken to him in _seconds_ , "So what is a marriage?"

"It's were two people decide they want to live together and be a family," Jack explained.

"Really?" Gavin said, "That sounds top!"

_Eventually_ Geoff and Michael came back, Geoff with his arm around Michael's shoulder and a look like a cat in the cream, and Michael looking _much_ more alert then he had earlier.

Geoff grinned lazily and pulled out a chair to sprawl into, pulling Michael into his lap, "So boys," He greeted, "We have a bit of a journey to plan."

  
  



	5. Chapter 5

Geoff and Jack haphazardly packed up what looked to Ray like a random and useless assortment of crap, before walking out the back door and coming back a few minutes later with two horses in tow.

Ray instinctively checked the horses' shoes, and was relieved to find they looked like they were in pretty good shape, which would help greatly if the horses weren't used to long distance riding, which he kind of doubted they were. Both horses looked a bit fat and were _clearly_ not show horses, but they looked healthy and strong enough, and they only fussed a little bit when Jack and Geoff saddled and mounted them.

Geoff turned in his mount to look down at Michael who was still on the ground and held out his hand, "Come and ride with me, princess?"

Michael laughed and grabbed Geoff's hand to help him up, even though Michael had clearly proven that he didn't need any help mounting a horse.

Jack glared at the pair, "Don't have sex while we ride," he admonished and Geoff laughed and wrapped his arm tightly around Michael and whipped the reigns.

The plan was to get to Geoff's portal, which he'd promised was only a short ride away, then try and get a few hours on the other side before setting down camp, hopefully reaching Twitchings early tomorrow evening.

Ryan fell back a little even though he was faster than any horse and could easily run circles around Geoff and Jack's two.

It was weird finally being alone with Ryan on this trip that was supposed to be just them.

"So do you think Geoff can actually slay a dragon?" Ray asked.

Ryan shrugged, "We don't really have a lot of other options, do we? I don't think we can risk our fields for another month. The herd was already starting to talk about the possibility of moving."

Ray snorted, "You guys really have no staying power, huh?"

Ryan shrugged again, "Yeah, well. Don't form attachments to places, and all that."

Ray reached out and placed a hand on Ryan shoulder, "I'd miss you," he said, feeling a little bit silly. He barely knew Ryan, they hadn't spent much time together before this, but he hated the thought of never seeing him again.

Ryan nodded, "Yeah, uh, I'd miss you too," he admitted, "You know, if we do move we could always use a farrier?"

Ryan glanced over at him shyly and Ray blinked in surprise. He knew he was an okay farrier, and that he got on pretty well with the centaurs, he wouldn't have been allowed to ride one if he didn't, but he wasn't aware that centaurs would ever offer to let humans travel with them.

Ray shrugged a little, "Yeah, I mean. Maybe."

Ray felt his cheeks heat up a tiny little bit and wasn't sure why, and he turned to look after Geoff and Jack.

Ryan and Ray walked in silence for awhile. They were both intensely aware of the huge cloud of evil, and Ray felt like it was watching him. Both of them kept sending furtive glances back at it as they went, but luckily the way they were going rounded the mountain before long and they were out of sight of the city.

Ryan sped up a little to ride with Jack and Geoff. Jack nodded to him as they came up next to him. Geoff and Michael were riding off to the side a little and too busy with each other to notice the new company.

Jack looked at the pair and rolled his eyes and Ray laughed.

"Ryan," Gavin squawked, darting up from where he'd been riding between the ears of Jack's horse, "Jack told me you would tell me what Geoff and Michael are doing."

Ray snickered, and apparently Michael and Geoff were paying enough attention to hear that and turned and snapped, "Hey!"

"They're having sex," Ryan told Gavin calmly, "That's how fairy drones and Queens get a Queen pregnant. Except Geoff and Michael are only doing it for fun."

Gavin wrinkled his nose, " _Weird_ ," he muttered.

"Agreed," Ray said and Gavin grinned and flew over to his face.

"This lot is all well strange," he said, and went to bury himself in Ray's hair.

Ray laughed, kind of wishing that his hair was cleaner, but Gavin didn't seem to care.

Gavin, Jack, and Ryan chatted a bit as they walked further, following a looping stream.

Eventually Geoff turned from biting at Michael's neck to call back to them, "We're almost there. We can stop and have a drink and stuff on the other side."

Ray looked around doubtfully. He couldn't see any distinguishing features around and he had a feeling that Geoff wasn't exactly some super tracker or something.

The noise of the birds and shit had been slowly increasing as they had re-entered the more wild areas, but now the silence was returning and it was making the hairs on the back of Ray's neck stand up.

"Are you sure we should be here?" Ray asked nervously.

Geoff made a dismissive noise, "It's fine."

Michael snorted a little, "Really? Because it doesn't _feel_ fine."

"You guys are just being high-strung," Geoff dismissed as he pulled up in front of the scariest looking arch of trees Ray had ever seen.

The trees were dead and covered in thorny vines and looked obviously cursed.

Ryan stomped a hoof nervously as they looked at it, "Uh, are you sure this is a good idea?"

"It's totally fine!" Geoff responded, "I've used it _loads_ of times."

"Uh-huh," Jack said doubtfully, "And what exactly are you classifying as 'loads'?"

Geoff scoffed instead of answering, which made Ray feel _so_ much better.

"Look, if you guys are being a bunch of babies, I'll go through first," Geoff told them.

"And then come back," Ryan added.

Geoff looked over at him and rolled his eyes, "Fine, I'll go through then come back and you can all see that it's nothing to worry about."

Geoff urged his horse forward but it kicked up and wouldn't go any further.

Ray snickered and Geoff huffed in annoyance and got off the horse and strode forward with purpose. He went through the arch of trees and disappeared.

Ray blinked in surprise. He'd honestly kind of thought that Geoff would burst into flames or something.

A second later Geoff returned, covered in soot and shivering a little, "See," he said brightly through chattering teeth, "It's _fine_."

The rest of them exchanged looks, none of them wanting to go through.

Michael sighed and looked at Geoff's pleading stare and walked forward. He stopped right before the portal, took a deep breath, and stepped through.

Ryan turned to look at Ray, and Ray shrugged, figuring they didn't have much choice at this point, and they walked through.

It wasn't a nice feeling, kind of like his skin was vibrating or something and a huge shiver ran through him.

Ray shook himself and looked at Ryan, who was just as unsettled and found that they were both covered in soot.

Ray brushed some of it off his face with a disgusted look, "I'm sure this won't do anything to us," he muttered. Ryan grunted in agreement.

Ray looked around and found that they _were_ actually standing in a patch of woods that he vaguely recognized as being near Crabjest. Ray liked this area much better. He was glad to be done with all the rocks and too bushy trees.

Ray spotted Michael crouching next to a brook, splashing water in his face but _not_ covered in soot. Ray walked over to him and dropped down to start washing himself off as he heard Jack and Geoff lead their horses through the portal.

The horses _clearly_ didn't like the experience and were whinnying and stomping loudly.

Ray tried to ignore it for a few seconds since they were Geoff and Jack's horses, so they were Geoff and Jack's problem, but it quickly became evident that the other two didn't know how to handle scared horses and Ray sighed and stood to go help.

He wasn't _super_ used to horses, but he had initially been trained as a farrier on them, and he was pleased to find he still had some of the skills left. He managed to settle the horses down enough to not be a danger anymore, at least.

Ray pet one of them, "We're going to have to wait a bit, these guys aren't going to let you mount them for a little while."

Geoff nodded, "Plenty of time to wash off then," and he went over to the water, splashing in with enough force to set the horses off again, leaving Ray to calm them down _again_ before he could go join the others in washing off.

Michael had sat down in the shallows, Gavin sitting in the gap between Michael's legs so he could wash himself off without having to worry about being swept away.

Ray stripped off his clothes and shoved them around in the water a little, glad to see the stuff at least came off cloth pretty easy.

Ray looked at Michael and gave him a glare, "How the fuck did you get this shit off so fast?"

Michael glanced up from watching Gavin, "I'm an incubus, I don't get dirty."

"Lucky," Ray muttered and waded in farther to get the shit off his hair.

Ray got himself mostly clean eventually and went to find Ryan, who had taken the job of leading the horses into the water to try and get them clean as well.

"You got them?" Ray asked.

Ryan nodded, "Yeah. I think these guys _want_ to be clean."

Ray grabbed Geoff's shirt to use to wash off the horses, figuring that it was Geoff's fault, so it was Geoff's shirt that he would use.

After Geoff was done washing himself he went over to play around splashing water at Michael and Gavin instead of helping with _his_ horses, but Jack came over to lend a hand.

When they were done Ray went over to sit next to the lazy assholes, Jack and Ryan following behind.

Ryan lay down next to Ray and Jack sat on Geoff's other side, careful to stay far enough a way as to not accidentally touch Michael, and they all spent a moment sunning themselves.

Michael looked over at Ray, "How far is your village from here?"

Ray shrugged, "Usually if someone leaves the village at sunup they would get here by evening."

Michael nodded, "So one more night camping then."

Geoff looked over at Ray, "Do you think we could spare a few hours to let our clothes dry a bit, or would that make it too pressed for tomorrow?"

Ray glanced at Ryan who knew the area better than him and Ryan shrugged, "We can wait a little bit."

"Perfect," Geoff purred and leaned over to grab Michael's lips.

Michael smiled into the kiss, "I'm full dude. It's fine."

Geoff pulled back and pouted, "What, seriously? I've banged out the sex demon?"

Michael snorted, "Sex is _food_. You can't tell me you've never eaten too much."

Geoff continued to pout for a moment, then turned and leered at Jack instead, and Jack rolled his eyes at the obvious joke.

Geoff grinned and went over to the saddle bags laid on the ground and pulled out a bottle with a flourish.

Jack rolled his eyes again, "No, Geoff. You can't get drunk now. You've _already_ had more than I would like considering we're approaching a _dragon_."

Geoff went back to pouting but put the bottle away, "Fine," he grumbled and pulled out the playing cards, "Poker?"

Most of the play time was spent trying to explain the rules to Gavin who was 'helping' Geoff, but Ray found himself not hating it like he'd thought he would.

Ryan and Geoff had paid close attention to the sun as they played, and Ray was actually a little _disappointed_ when Ryan said they should get going.

Ray stretched as he stood and went to get the horses from where they were grazing, glad to see they seemed to have calmed down.

Their clothes weren't dry yet, but they were drier than soaked. Ray wrinkled his nose as he pulled his pants on, thinking it would have probably been less gross if they _were_ soaked, and climbed onto Ryan in only two attempts.

Jack, who was already on his horse, raised his eyebrow at Ray, "You aren't a rider, I take it?"

Ray snorted, "God no. This is pretty much my first time on a horse. Or whatever."

Jack laughed a little, "Well for a first timer you're doing very well."

Ray snorted and smiled, "Uh-huh, don't think I don't know that that means you were thinking I was shit before."

Jack laughed and moved his horse to start on the trail.  
  


*  
  


Ray was feeling more confident now that he was back in places he knew, and he was glad to see that not much had changed since the last time he was out this way.

They walked for probably an hour or two before the sun was low enough that it was time to hunker down for the night.

Geoff turned to Ray and Ryan, "So this dragon. How much danger would we be in _right now_ , exactly?"

"Er," Ryan answered, "I'm _sure_ it'll be fine."

"Really because you don't sound sure," Geoff replied, voice cracking.

"Eh," Ryan answered.

Ray shrugged, "We are still pretty far from its known territory, and as far as I know it hasn't killed anyone that wasn't actively attacking it yet."

Geoff shrugged, not looking pleased, and they set about setting up camp.

Ray was starting to feel excited about getting back home now that it was so close. He hadn't had time to process earlier with how fast things had moved but he would be going home _tomorrow_.

Tomorrow he would be back in Twitchings and the dragon would be on its way to being dealt with. Then Jack and Geoff would go back to their house, Michael and Gavin would go do whatever it was they were planning, and Ray's life would return to normal as if nothing had happened, just like he'd wanted.

He wasn't as excited about that as he had been before.  
  


*  
  


They rose again in the morning, most of them dragging ass pretty heavily, but the wind woke them up before long. Well, with the exception of Michael, who'd promptly fallen back asleep against Geoff's chest. Ray had been about to protest but Geoff had told him that demon's had pretty different sleep schedules than humans and to just let him be.

Ray didn't buy it, but whatever. Ray would have taken the opportunity to be a lazy dick if he could too.

"So," Geoff said, pulling up his horse next to Ray and Ryan, "See, there's something I don't understand about this."

"Okay," Ray said, frowning a little.

"See, I don't understand how the universe could be _so perverse_ that it made the dude travelling with a _centaur and an incubus_ asexual."

Ray looked at him for a second than burst out laughing so hard he almost fell off of Ryan's back.

Ryan laughed too, "Well I hardly see how I count in that. I'd break him."

Ray shook his head and said between laughs, "No dude, I could totally take you. My vagina is _huge_."

Ryan grinned, "Is it?"

"Yeah," Ray continued, "Absolutely _massive_. Fucking biggest vagina in the kingdom."

Geoff threw his head back, cackling, "Well I guess that makes it even more of a waste."

"Well than I guess it's a good thing we ran into you, huh?" Ray answered, then turned to Ryan, "So what do you say, you going to make sure Geoff gets a taste of some horse dick?"

Ryan grinned, "Sure. Geoff you might want to stretch first," he joked back.

Geoff waggled his eyebrows, "Oh don't worry, I can stretch good as dicks."

"Guy's!" Jack called suddenly from where he'd run up ahead, "What's that?"

Ray turned to look at what Jack was pointing at.

In front of the bridge they had been planning to cross, the only bridge for ages, stood a wide, huge boulder. It was covered in moss and had patterns of cracks that vaguely formed the shape of a body and face if you squinted, and was very obviously a fucking troll.

Ray looked at Geoff helplessly as Michael started to stir, but Geoff just shrugged, "Maybe we can try talking to it?" Geoff suggested.

They trotted up to the troll, ready to turn and run if they needed to.

"Good day, troll," Geoff greeted and the troll very slowly opened its dull eyes and raised its head to look at Geoff. "Uh," Geoff faltered a little under its stare, "Do, uh, do you think we could go across the bridge?" he asked, voice breaking a little.

"My bridge," the troll answered in a slow, low, rumbling voice.

Geoff nodded, "Yes. And what a lovely bridge it is. But do you think we could _cross_ it?"

"Toll," the troll answered.

Geoff turned to look at the others who were just as lost as he was. Usually a specialist dealt with trolls.

Geoff turned back, " _Okay_ , well what do you want as a toll?"

"Goat," the troll answered.

Geoff turned to look at them and got a collection of helpless shrugs in response. Geoff turned back to the troll and nodded, "Well, okay. We're just going to… yeah," and Geoff turned and rode away from the river with the others following him.

Once they thought they were out of earshot Geoff turned to the group, "Is there somewhere else we could cross?"

Ray and Ryan shook their heads, "Nope," Ryan answered, "Unless you want to swim across this is about it."

"And could we swim across?" Jack asked.

Ryan glanced over at the fast moving current, "Uhh, no. That probably wouldn't be a good idea."

"Then what the fuck are we supposed to do?" Geoff hissed.

Ray shrugged, "Find a goat? There should be some in the area?"

Jack scrunched his face, "Great. We're going to feed a goat to a troll."

"Who gives a shit," Michael muttered and jumped down off Geoff's horse, "Let's just go find the thing."

Ray, Jack, and Geoff also dismounted and they all started looking for a freaking goat.

Wild goats were pretty common in this area, but it didn't mean there were any around _now._ Ray kicked through the underbrush to try and find one of the bastards. Ray felt like he'd been searching for hours, even though it had probably been closer to thirty minutes, when he heard Jack shout and started making his way to him.

He found Jack, Michael, and Ryan at the edge of a clearing and, for some reason, looking _up_.

Ray followed their gaze and snorted, "How the fuck did a goat get up there?" when he saw the goat perched high up in the tree.

Ray had always hated goats.

"Ray, how about you climb up and see if you can push him down?" Jack suggested.

Ray frowned at him, "Why me?" he couldn't climb a fucking tree and he was pretty sure there was nothing about him that suggested otherwise.

"You're the lightest," Jack pointed out.

"Yeah, but that doesn't mean I can climb a fucking tree!"

"Well then do you have any better suggestions?"

They turned as they heard crashing as Geoff came into view, Gavin flitting around his head.

Geoff spotted the goat and groaned, "Well how the fuck are we supposed to get it down from there?"

Jack shrugged, "We were just discussing it."

Geoff frowned, "I don't know? Can we boost someone up to grab it?"

Jack shook his head, "It's too high."

"Ray could you climb up?" Geoff asked.

"Nope," Jack answered, "Apparently he can't climb trees."

Geoff made a dismissive noise, "Everyone can climb trees. Come on dude, just give it a shot," and he walked over to Ray looking like he was going to _do something_ and Ray danced backwards.

"Nope," he said, "Uh-huh, not going up a tree for a fucking goat."

"Oh come on, do your part for the team!"

"Team! We’re not a team!"

"Of course we're a team," Geoff wailed, "Ray I don't think you're giving your all to this team."

"I met you yesterday!" Ray protested.

That was when they were interrupted when they heard a soft thumping noise and turned to see the goat on the ground with Gavin perched between its ears.

Gavin grinned, "I got it down."

Geoff looked at Ray and Ray shrugged, "That works."

Getting the goat through the forest wasn't fun, because goats sucked, but Gavin seemed to have a knack for goat herding and they managed to get the thing back out to the river where they'd left the horses tied up.

Ray looked down at the goat, then back at the troll. He didn't like goats, and wasn't much of an animal person in general, but this still wasn't an overly cool thing to do, and it left his stomach feeling queasy.

They all exchanged looks, none of them wanting to be the one to bring the goat for slaughter.

Finally Ryan sighed and grabbed the rope they'd tied around the goats neck and started dragging it towards the troll.

Ray watched with apprehension as he got closer and the troll raised its head in interest.

"Hello, troll," Ryan said, "I've got a goat for exchange for my party getting to cross the bridge."

The troll watched as Ryan brought the goat in front of it, then backed up again.

The troll reached forward, its limbs grinding horribly as its arms came up and slowly closed around the goat, raising it in the air to eye height.

"Yes," the troll said, and started to lumber to its feet, causing the ground to tremble slightly and he trudged out of the way of the bridge. Ray held his breath, not wanting to see the troll eat the goat, but not able to look away.

"Hello, goat," the troll said to the goat, "You are now Princess Tinkles. I have a bow for you," and he started walking away.

They all exchanged a surprised look, but then shrugged and crossed the bridge without problem.  
  


*  
  


Now that they were most definitely in the dragons territory they spent a lot of time scanning the skies instead of talking to each other and the mood was much more tense than before.

Luckily they didn't see any signs of it and before evening they started to see signs of the fields and meadows that Twitchings maintained and Ray's heart leapt a little at the sight of home, even if it had only been four days.

He was glad to see that over here at least looked fine, he had been having fears that something had gone catastrophically wrong and he'd come back to find everything burning.

They stepped up onto the boardwalks that led across the swamp into the village and started the last part of their journey.

Michael looked around with interest, "I've never been to a swamp before," he commented.

"Me neither," Gavin agreed and flitted off to look at the trees. Because they were going so slow on the boardwalk anyway Michael hopped off to get a better look at the fish and algae and whatever in the water as they walked.

The place was slightly too quiet, which was never a good sign, but Ray couldn't see any plumes of smoke so he tried to just chalk it up to his imagination.

Finally they passed through the last of the thick trees and Ray was able to see the village off in the distance. Everything looked exactly like it had when Ray had set off, and his fears of a dragon attack were relieved.

As they came closer some members of the council came out to watch the triumphant heroes return.

From the wrong direction and without the guy they'd been sent to get.

Tina from the armoury was the first to reach them and she raised her eyebrows at him, "So… where's the knight?"

Ray shrugged sheepishly and climbed off of Ryan, "Rooster Teeth is under siege by demons. This guy's a wizard though, he says he can help," and at that exact moment Geoff led his horse to close to the edge of the boardwalk and Geoff and the horse tumbled in to the swamp water.

"He's better than waiting a month," Ray muttered at Tina's look.

Ray took off Ryan's saddle and Ryan left to join up with his herd as some farmers came to help Geoff get his horse out of the water.

Michael walked over to stand next to Ray, and Ray handed him the saddle to block his junk (and because it was _heavy_ ). From what he could tell everyone kind of just accepted that the weird wizard would have a naked dude with him, but Ray didn't want to push it.

Now that the city council had Geoff and Jack there wasn't anything else left for Ray to do. He kind of lingered around awkwardly for a few minutes before deciding _fuck it_ he was going back to his house.

He nudged Michael, and jerked his head in the direction, "Want to come back to mine?" and they set off to skirt around the village centre to reach Ray's house.

Most people were hanging around Geoff and Jack and all the excitement, so Ray and Michael went unaccosted during their walk.

Ray frowned at Michael as he thought of something, "How come you aren't putting mojo on everyone around here? I thought anyone who _looked_ at an incubus got automatic pants stirrings."

Michael shrugged, "It only happens when I need to eat. I was being serious earlier, I am _full._ "

Ray nodded and led Michael over to his little house on the edge of the village.

Ray lived near the fields and forest that the centaurs inhabited, so he was pretty far from the town centre, but his house was alright. It was definitely all he needed.

"Why are you still hanging around if you're all powered up? I thought you were itching to jump back to your dimension?" Ray asked.

Michael frowned a little, "I don't know. Geoff offered that I could stay with him for a bit, thought I might do that. You know, if he doesn't get killed by the dragon."

Ray nodded and hummed.

Ray opened the door to his house and Michael let himself in, dropping the saddle on Ray's table. Michael looked around with an impassive face, not looking like he thought anything of the place one way or another. Then he spotted Ray's bows and arrows, "You're an archer?" he asked, clearly interested.

Ray shrugged, "Not really. It's mostly just a hobby."

Michael nodded, "You know I'm pretty good with a bow," he said leadingly.

Ray grinned and yanked up a bow. He was eager to get to practise again and having someone to compete against always made it more fun.

Ray went out back to wash up in his wash basin and _finally_ be clean. He hadn't even realized how gross he'd been until he wasn't anymore. When that was done Ray went inside, not feeling like doing any cooking at all and grabbed the loaf of bread that had been delivered while he was gone.

While he was doing that Michael had been fooling around with the bow, and Ray went to join him. Michael was pretty good with the thing. He clearly hadn't spent as much time with one as Ray had, but he was definitely skilled and he made Ray work for his victory at least a little.

Ray figured that Geoff and Jack were being treated to a huge feast right now. Even if the citizens were rightfully unsure about Geoff's skills they would still treat the newbie to a good meal and all that shit.

Ray yawned, even though it was still early. He'd had a long couple of days and wanted to sleep.

"I'm going to turn in, okay?" he told Michael.

Michael nodded, "Mind if I join you?"

Ray usually liked his privacy, but after four days of company he did find the thought of sleeping alone a little weird, so he found himself nodding and he and Michael went inside and curled up next to each other in Ray's bed.

  
  



	6. Chapter 6

Ray jerked awake to a loud banging at his door.

Ray startled and tried to grab for the blade he kept at his bedside while Michael got out of bed with much more grace and crept over to the door to peer through the crack.

Before Ray could do anything Michael threw the door open and Ray saw Jack standing in the doorway looking panicked, "Geoff's been taken," he cried before Ray had a chance to say anything, "Geoff's been _taken_ and your fucking village won't do anything."

Ray got out of bed and lit a candle so he could see better.

Jack looked frantic and wild. Michael was standing straighter at the news, "What do you mean he's been _taken_?"

Jack swallowed, "He went after the dragon. A couple of others went to. The others came back without Geoff. They said it just. Swooped down and grabbed him off his horse and flew off with him."

Ray was feeling shaky now, "Jack," he said softly, "I really don't think there's anything we can do. He… he's probably already dead."

Jack shook his head, "No," he said firmly, "The other guys said he was still alive when the dragon flew off with him. If it wanted him dead it would have killed him then."

Ray sighed and shook his head sadly, "I don't know what you want me to do about it, Jack. I don't know how to fight a _dragon_."

Jack growled and grabbed him by the collar and Ray gasped in fear as he felt his feet leave the ground a little, "Listen to me," Jack ground out, "Geoff is here because of _you._ You're the only person who might help me and you are _going_ to help me. Understood?"

Ray stared at Jack with wide eyes. As scared as he was of the dragon, the dragon was just some distant spectre, Jack was here and scary _right now_ so Ray just nodded best he could with Jack still holding him.

Jack let go of him and let out a ragged breath, "Okay," he agreed, "Okay. What weapons do you have?"

Ray shrugged, "Not much? Mostly just ranged shit that isn't going to be much help against a dragon."

"If it's the best we have," Jack turned to Michael, "Are you going to help?"

Michael nodded grimly, "Yeah."

Ray turned as he heard hooves approaching and Ryan came to the door at a gallop, looking concerned, "I saw Jack come running. What's happening?"

"The dragon has Geoff," Michael informed.

"What!?" Gavin squeaked, darting from where he'd been sitting on Ryan's back. Ray couldn't see his face in the dim light, but from the way he kept darting around Ray figured he was pretty agitated. "Geoff's in trouble! We have to do something. Get-get a mod together or something!"

Jack shook his head, "These fuck's don't care. They were so desperate for help with their dragon but now that it's someone else in danger they don't _care_. So we're going to get him back ourselves."

Jack's voice was full of grim determination and Ray wondered how much he was forcing himself to act tough to keep from breaking down.

Ray glanced over at Ryan, then at Michael. His stomach was a hard lump. He didn't want to go fight a fucking _dragon_. It was a suicide mission and he wasn't ready to die yet.

But Michael and Gavin were obviously going, and Ryan looked like he didn't even need to _discuss_ it, and as much as Ray _desperately_ didn't want to go, he didn't have the courage to look these men in the face and tell them he was chickening out, so he nodded mutely.

They didn't talk about what they were doing as they gathered up the scant few weapons Ray had. Ray had his sword, plus the sword his uncle had left in his house because his uncle was paranoid and wanted a sword in every corner of the village 'in case'. On top of that there was the sword that Jack had brought with him, so at least everyone who could use a sword had one. Ray handed Ryan his uncle's sword, since it was much better quality and balanced for a longer reach, and Ryan strapped it around him.

Ray wanted to put on protective gear, but all he really had was the leathers he used when going to the forge, which he supposed were better than nothing.

He wanted to put the leathers on himself, but he looked at Michael's naked body and realized that wasn't an option and reluctantly handed them over, promising Michael that they'd only ever seen the centaur forge and thus were iron free. Ray instead gathered up the heaviest shirts and pants he had and layered in the vain hope that it could provide him a little protection.

Ryan went off, telling them he was going to _force_ the town armoury to give him some horse armour, and that he'd meet back up with them at the edge of town.

Ray looked over his collection of ranged weapons. Most of them were just for _fun_. He'd only ever killed a _rabbit_ with any of them, but there weren't really other options.

He picked up the bow that he and Michael had been using and handed it to Michael along with all his arrows. Michael nodded, accepting them.

Ray considered whether or not he should take his throwing knives, then decided he'd rather have them than not and grabbed a bandolier of them to wrap around his torso.

While they were dealing with the weapons Gavin had gone outside, saying he wanted to pray. It was a testament to how scared he was that Michael didn't make fun of him for it, and Gavin rejoined them as they sombrely left Ray's house.

They lit the torches that Ray had around because it was village by-law (Ray had never had it adequately explained to him why it was village by-law, but he was suddenly very grateful) and they set off.

They met up with Ryan again at the edge of town and nodded to him mutely. Ryan had managed to procure some armour. Ray vaguely thought he might have liked the sight in different circumstances, but right now he just felt sick.

Jack handed Ryan a torch and they started towards the small wooded island that housed the nearest entrance to the dragon's cave.

Ray had known that there was a shitty little cave system under the marsh, but he'd never been into it, or known anyone who had. It had been drilled into them all since childhood that if a swamp monster didn't get them while they got to the entrance, then they'd pretty much be guaranteed to be killed by a cave in.

They trekked deeper into the swamp, quickly leaving the dry ground and having to wade into ever deepening water.

Ray's heartbeat was in his throat. He wished he had the courage to cop out of this. He _really_ didn't want to be there. He was pretty sure momentum was the only thing keeping him moving.

"You okay?" Ryan murmured to him. At that point they were so deep in the swamp that they could only see the light of the torches.

Ray jumped at every little thing as the shadows danced around the water. He knew objectively that the dragon was too big to sneak up on them, and that it had scared off everything else in the area that could possibly pose a threat, but Ray couldn't help but imagine that every rustle was some sort of huge monster.

Ray nodded mutely to Ryan, kind of worried that he would start crying if he opened his mouth, and if he started crying there was no way he could possibly stop.

They reached the little island with the cave entrance without running into anything and were forced to take a few seconds to peel off the seaweed and gunk that had attached to them and was weighing them down.

Ray wished the walk had taken way longer than it did, because as scary as the walk had been he _really_ didn't want to go down into the caves.

The entrance to the cave stood on a little island of dry land that would disappear and reappear depending on the seasons. The cave was poking up through the ground, really more of a hole than anything else. It definitely wasn't big enough for the dragon to get in and out of, but it was the closest entrance they knew about.

Ray looked down at the hole and felt like everything in the world could disappear into it.

Michael laid a hand on his shoulder and Ray turned to look at him. Michael's face was hard and Ray took a deep breath and nodded, clasping Michael's shoulder back, and they were off.

The way down was slippery and it left Ray feeling unbalanced at having to carefully watch every step. Ray wasn't sure how Ryan was managing it with his hooves.

Eventually they reached mostly flat ground, and at that point they were so far down they could barely see the light from outside.

The air inside the cave was dank and dead and it left Ray feeling like he wasn't getting enough oxygen.

The torches cast flickering light on the uneven walls of the cave. The tunnel they were in was so wide that the torches couldn't illuminate both sides at once. Judging by the claw marks and livestock carcasses the dragon was here regularly.

Ray felt like he caught a glimpse of something moving everywhere he looked.

He couldn't _do this_. He _couldn't_. He wanted to just stop and go back and he should, what good was he going to do down here? Oh god what was he _doing?_

He was clutching his torch in both hands so hard it was starting to hurt, and he kept flinching for his sword that he _didn't know how to use_.

He should just stop and go back. The others could handle things. He should just go back.

But somehow his feet kept moving him forward.

Gavin kept darting ahead, his night vision better than their's, and then returning with nothing to report. Ray supposed it was a good sign that he hadn't mentioned seeing anything, but every time he flew off it caused Ray's heart to lurch with dread that they wouldn't see him again, and every time he came back Ray braced himself for Gavin to say that the dragon was just up ahead.

But Ray continued to not hear anything except the plink-plink-plink of water and the occasional shifting of rocks, which had him scared enough. He was scared to put his foot down, not knowing if the next step would cause a cave in and leave them trapped under here to slowly suffocate.

Ray saw Gavin fly off again, the small ball of light that illuminated him going farther down the cave, then darting upward and disappearing through what was presumably a hole.

Gavin came back again at full speed, "I found Geoff," he hissed.

Jack's head whipped around, "What? Where?" he hissed back.

"He's through the passage there," Gavin said, flying up to show them the hole about ten or twelve feet off the ground, "He's unconscious but he was definitely breathing."

The rest of them carefully approached the hole and looked up, necks craning, but they could barely make anything out by torchlight, and certainly couldn't see a way to climb up the slime covered rocks.

"How are we going to get up there?" Michael growled softly, clearly trying to mask his own fear with anger, and Ray wished he could do the same right now. He'd much prefer to be angry than feel like he was about to wet himself and cry.

They looked around with their torches for a few more moments, but still failed to find a way up. There was probably some sort of alternative entrance, but wandering around without direction would just raise their risk of getting lost in the caves, and every step they took increased the chances of the dragon showing up.

There was nothing for it.

"Ryan," Ray said in a voice that wasn't _nearly_ as shaky as Ray felt it should be, "Ryan boost me up, I'll go get him and drop him down to you guys."

"Are you sure?" Ryan asked.

Ray had to suppress a hysterical laugh, "No," he said, voice cracking, "But there isn't exactly an option two, is there? Michael's got at least fifty pounds on me, and the climb would be even worse without boots on for traction."

Ryan nodded and walked over to stand directly under the hole. Jack came over next to him and they handed Michael their torches and Ray unhooked his sword and throwing knives and placed them on the ground. Jack laced his fingers together for Ray to use as a step and Ray stepped forward onto them.

Ray had never done something like this before and was surprised at the feeling like the entire world was swaying precariously, and it was making his whole body tremble.

Jack helped Ray to stand up on Ryan's horse back, and wholly _shit_ was standing worse than riding, before he and Ryan helped Ray climb to Ryan's shoulders.

His knees were trembling too much for him to stand up completely, but he managed to reach himself into the hole without needing to and felt around desperately for a handhold.

He no longer had any light at all. Gavin had flown up to help guide him, but that only provided a faint glow around where Gavin was.

Finally Ray felt something that he thought would work as a handhold and reached around it blindly until he got a good grip and lugged himself properly into the hole, now only supported by his own strength.

The entire passageway sloped downwards at a steep angle and Ray couldn't stop and rest. Instead he flailed around for another place to grab.

Gavin seemed to get with the program and started flitting around to find handholds for him, flying over the spot to indicate to Ray where he’d found something.

Ray's arms started to get tired quickly, especially as he could never get a real foothold, and they were starting to tremble furiously.

"Come on Ray," Gavin urged, "Just a little bit more. You're almost there. Come on."

Ray had to mostly zone out on Gavin's voice and the handholds to get him up the last few pulls, but finally he had reached a flat part.

Ray collapsed, his arms shaking from holding his weight for so long and he let out a small sob of relief.

"Geoff's right up here," Gavin whispered, flying just a few feet from Ray. Ray stilled his breathing and could hear the sound of someone else's ragged breaths in the darkness.

Ray crawled forward on his elbows and reached out to grab what he had to hope was Geoff. As much as Ray strained his eyes he couldn't see a damned thing.

"Crawl around behind him," Gavin instructed, "You can push him out for the others to catch."

"That is a terrible plan," Ray informed him as he did what Gavin suggested.

Geoff was very heavy and hard for Ray to move, but the ground was slippery and he managed to awkwardly shove him a bit towards the drop.

"Gavin, tell me if I'm about to go over," he said, his stomach doing somersaults at the possibility of any move sending him over the edge.

"Okay," Gavin agreed, "Just, uh, let me warn the others that they need to get ready to catch him."

Ray nodded even though he doubted Gavin could see it and stopped moving, waiting in the dark for Gavin to return.

He could hear water dripping around him, and in the much smaller space he was being reminded very clearly about the possibility of a cave in.

Ray squeezed his eyes shut and tried desperately to count his breaths to keep himself from panicking.

He almost flinched in shock when Gavin zipped back, "Okay, the others are waiting."

Ray swallowed and started pushing Geoff again, his muscles much harder to control now that he was starting to get tired. Every move was a monumental effort, but eventually Gavin yelped, "Stop! Stop! You're at the edge," causing Ray's heart to jump in his throat.

Ray felt in front of him for where the drop started and began pulling and shoving at Geoff until he was perched on the edge of it.

"You sure the others are ready?" he asked Gavin.

"Yeah," Gavin replied, sounding scared but not uncertain.

Ray swallowed deeply and gave Geoff one last shove.

He moved slowly at first and Ray had to fight the instinct to try and stop him, but then he was far enough over that he sped past Ray.

Ray heard some faint noises from below him and Gavin darted off again.

Ray only had to wait a second before he was back, "They're ready for you now."

Ray let out a small whimper. Right. He was going to have to drop down too.

Ray turned himself around so he would go feet first. The drop wasn't that far, and Ryan was _right there_. He'd be _fine._

He couldn't make his body move him that last couple of inches and Ray let out another sob at his inability to make his body do what it needed to.

"What's wrong?" Gavin asked, sounding genuinely concerned.

"I _can't_ ," Ray half sobbed half whispered.

Surprisingly Gavin seemed to actually have understood what he meant and flew over so he was hovering in front of Ray's face close enough for Ray to actually make out his features.

"I know it's scary," Gavin murmured, "But you just have to do it. Don't think about it. Just let go."

Ray let out another sob and pushed with his hands faster than his brain could keep up and he was falling through the air, stomach left behind.

But he had barely started falling when he felt himself stopped and spun around as Ryan, Jack, and Michael grabbed him and lowered him to the ground.

Ray crumbled to the ground and Michael crouched down next to him and stroked his hair, "Good job dude," he whispered.

Ray nodded and got up with considerable help from Michael. His hands were shaking so hard that he couldn't get his belts done up, and after his third failed attempt Jack came over and did it for him.

Michael placed his hand on Ray's shoulder, careful to avoid the iron of his knives but still providing the comfort that Ray desperately needed at the moment.

Geoff was starting to slowly stir and Jack bent over to tend to him. Geoff groaned lightly, too disoriented to move from where he was leaned against the cave wall.

Jack looped one hand under Geoff's shoulder's and gestured for Michael to come get his other side.

Ray took Michael's torch, and Ryan took Jack's, and they started their slow progress through the cave to get back to the surface.

The going was very slow now that they had to drag Geoff who couldn't do much more than try and take stumbling steps.

Finally they reached the mouth of the cave and with much pushing managed to get everyone out into the air.

Ray took a deep breath as the fresh night air blew over his face, the clean air filling his lungs and burning slightly with the night chill.

They took a second to all enjoy being above ground again before they started back towards the village.

"That was easier than I expected," Gavin commented, "We didn't even run into the dragon."

There wasn't even time for someone to yell at Gavin for jinxing it before the heavy pounding of the dragon's wings filled the air and it was on top of them.

  
  



	7. Chapter 7

Ray heard himself scream and he dropped the torches he was holding to dive out of the way as the dragon came barrelling toward him.

Ray plunged into the water and when he surfaced there was no longer any light and he couldn't figure out where the others were. He didn't even know which way the _land_ was.

Ray turned around in the water, splashing much more than he needed to be, until his feet were finally able to find purchase.

He heard the dragon come down again, and a huge splash, then he heard Ryan yell and someone scream and Ray was starting to panic properly now.

Finally his flailing got him onto a patch of dry land. He scrambled to try and pull his sword out, but he hadn't managed to when the sky suddenly lit up with a great plume of fire.

Ray scrambled backwards, even though it wasn't aimed anywhere near him, but luckily he didn't go in the water again.

Ray looked around frantically, he could see even less than before with the after image of the flames burned into his eyes, but he didn't think anything had been set alight.

He heard another scream and whipped around to see what was happening and thought he could make out the dragon lunging in the direction of the scream.

Ray didn't think. His hand went to one of his blades and sent it flying for the dragon's face as hard as he could.

He didn't think it did any damage, but it definitely made sure the dragon was paying attention to Ray and not whoever had been screaming.

Ray realized almost instantly that this was a _bad thing_ as he felt the dragon come swooping down for _him_.

Ray threw himself underwater again, but no sooner had his body broken the surface than he felt a pair of great talons grab him around the waist and he screamed as he was lifted into the air.

He looked down but couldn't make out anything. The world had been turned into an endless amount of darkness and wind and sharp talons.

Ray was disoriented and couldn’t even start to keep track of where the dragon was flying. Then, all of a sudden, it released him and Ray found himself tumbling through space for one terrifying second before he was plunged under the water.

Ray paddled up, hoping like fuck that he had enough air to reach the surface, and his head burst into the air just as his lungs started to protest.

Ray sucked in a deep breath, frantically trying to figure out what was going on, when Gavin flew into his face looking as scared as Ray felt.

"Come on!" Gavin yelled and darted away again. Ray got the message and followed behind him the best he could in his water heavy clothes.

As soon as he was on solid ground again he ripped his sword out of its sheath. It was just as heavy and unwieldy as ever, but it was the best he had.

"Where are the others!" Ray shouted at Gavin, but Gavin had flown off again as soon as Ray was out of the water.

Ray cursed and looked around. He couldn't see anything, and he couldn't hear the dragon.

Ray backed up, his breathing loud. His foot slipped in the mud and he stumbled to right himself, and that was when he realized that the shadows across this patch of land were _much darker_ than they should have been.

In horror Ray turned around and found himself looking right into the face of the dragon.

Ray took a step backwards and fell over, leaving him to only be able to scramble backwards from the thing, its stinking breath surrounding Ray as it slowly advanced on him.

So this was fucking it then. He just hoped that the others could get away.

"Hey asshole!" Michael bellowed and the dragon reared up, turning in anger to face Michael and whatever he was doing. Ray could just make out the outline of Michael with Ray's bow in his hands.

The dragon breathed a huge plume of fire right at Michael and Ray screamed.

The fire engulfed him and lit up the ground he was on, but Michael seemed totally unbothered by it as he pulled out a second arrow, "I'm a fucking _hell demon_ you stupid fuck! What the fuck do you think fire's going to do to me!" and Michael shot it in the face.

The dragon reared back again in anger, claw raised to strike down Michael from the burning patch of land he was standing on.

The dragon paused, its claw raised in the air. Ray held his breath, waiting for the blow to come and kill his friend. Ray would have much rather preferred to die himself.

But the dragon just continued to not move for longer and longer and Ray started to realize that something was going on.

The dragon lowered its claw slightly, seeming to look past Michael.

"Jack?" it asked.

Jack came out from behind the tree he was hiding behind, approaching _way_ less cautiously than was warranted given there was a fucking _dragon,_ "Joel?"

"Are you fucking kidding me!" Ray heard Geoff shout from somewhere he couldn't see.

Jack ignored him, to busy paying attention to the dragon, "Dude, I haven't seen you in _forever_ ," he said, as though they were old friends.

The dragon laughed, "It has been awhile. How've you been?"

Ray made his way slowly over to Michael while Jack and the dragon started to fucking _catch up_.

Ray gave Michael a questioning look, but Michael shrugged, clearly having no idea what was happening either.

Geoff, riding on Ryan's back, came around the corner, and in the firelight Ray could see that Geoff looked _livid_.

"Seriously?" he shouted, climbing off of Ryan and stumbling a bit so that Michael had to catch him, "All of that and the fucking dragon is _Joel_?"

"Who's Joel?" Ray asked, eyeing the dragon who had now bent down so it was head height with Jack as they talked about fucking friends' _kids._

 _"_ Joel," Geoff said, "Would be that dragon. And Jack's ex-boyfriend."

As one Michael, Ray, and Ryan turned to look at the huge size of the dragon in comparison to Jack.

"I have so many questions," Ryan said.

Geoff snorted, "I will _pay you_ if you manage to get an answer to any of them."

"So…" Ray asked, "Is it… over?"

Geoff shrugged his shoulders, "I guess? Jack and Joel are on pretty good terms."

"So many questions," Ryan repeated.  
  


*  
  


Jack was easily able to convince Joel to move on to the uninhabited lands slightly to the west, and despite the fact that that was possibly the lamest way to defeat a dragon ever the village greeted them all like heroes. Even the centaurs came out, and the celebration ran for so long that even after Ray had gone and taken a rather long nap it was still going strong.

Ray made his way into the town centre where music and feasting and assorted revelry filled the streets.

Ray spotted Geoff leaning against the side of a bench, clearly drunk and with Michael passed out against one side and the apprentice baker whose name Ray could never remember passed out on the other.

Geoff cheered at Ray when he saw him and raised up his drink, spilling it hugely across the three of them but not seeming to care.

"See," Geoff said as Ray got closer, "We really do make a good team."

Ray laughed and realized that Gavin was asleep in Michael's hair, "Dude," he told Geoff, "we got crazy lucky. We make an awful team."

Geoff grinned, "Yeah, awfully _great,_ " and laughed at his own joke so hard that Ray couldn't help cracking a smile.

"So I guess you guys are going to be heading out tomorrow?" Ray said, feeling a pang of loss already. He wasn't a social person and these last couple of days was the most interaction with other people he'd had in probably years.

Before he never would have considered himself lonely, but suddenly the thought of returning to his quiet, comfortable life seemed… empty.

Geoff made a huge gesture, "You know, there's tell of an amulet in the mountains to the east of here that might be able to help Rooster Teeth with its demon problem. I was thinking of going and checking it out. I could do with a local?"

Ray snorted, assuming Geoff was just offering to be polite and because he was drunk, "Dude, I don't know what impression I've been giving, but I don't exactly know my way around the area super well."

Geoff just shrugged exaggeratedly, "I'm sure you could figure something out. Ryan's already said he'll go."

Ray's heart leapt a little at that and he didn't know why. But… Yeah, going on a stupid quest sounded fun.

After all, it would probably only take a few days, and his house would always be there for when he got back.

  
  



End file.
